Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I'm a Freak

Gave up cooking my Chicken Linguini, went out to have Spicy Prawn and Chilli Beef takeaway from Dainty instead. I still can't believe how much I'm hooked on to this Szechuan peppercorn, perhaps that's just me - getting hooked on something just so easily, just so quickly, and before I even know it myself, I just snap it, faster than I thought I am capable of.

Regardless of how much I don't want to be in a relationship, the term 'relationship' is just so invincible, in any sense. There are more complex relationships other than the MWR - men-women-relationship. There are times when you start to ponder... what is the status?

Hold on a second! Firstly, what do I want? Vaguely I know I want my cake and eat it; in actuallity, I do not know what I want, but I know what I don't want. I don't want to be tied down, yet I don't want to let go of something that I think could be good for me. I want the best of both world, but I don't know how. There's too much uncertainty, it's freaking me out.

Haven't I said that I want to have all the fun and freedom till my 27th birthday?

I have a problem trusting, I've just realized. I never thought I've that problem until this evening, I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser who can't trust. Was it innate? Or is this what I've got from the post-Health Advisor-syndrome? Is that an alarm for disaster when everything is going so unbelievably well, so well that you thought you've just gotten a free ride to eternal happiness?

I'm freaking myself out, and freaking people around me out. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten and shitted at the same place.

8 comments:

arboon! said...

what's more complex relationships other than men-women relationship?

love... ll said...

Say like... fuck buddies, rebound companionship, time-filler relationship, multiple partnership, amongst others.

steph said...

story of our lives? lol

Carrie: He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway.

JC said...

hey where is Dainty?
have to try this chilli chicken you've been raving about.

it's normal to be a freak. :P
at times i think i'm a freak too.

love... ll said...

Sometimes "convenience" really fuck things up.

June, it's on Corrs Lane, next to Eurotrash, opposite Ants Bistro at Chinatown. The laneway opposite Sharkfin House. Trust me it's very good.

Because you're a freak therefore we can be friends.

JC said...

cool..i'll go check it out...

i'm glad we are freaky friends... :)

love... ll said...

June, don't forget your freaky SourNova!

JC said...

oh ya... thanks for reminding me...still haven't got the time to catch up with her...