Friday, January 08, 2010

got milk? say NO!

I've rashes, dermatitis allergies Olga (my homoepath) said this afternoon. How I started going natural, believing in naturopathy and homoepathy happened about ten years ago. I was introduced to this so-called doctor by a friend when I was suffering from this chronic cough for more than a month. He eased my pain within 24 hours. Then he performed his magic again with completely curing my eczema - which I had since I was a baby - from the root. In the last 10 years I was eczema-free. For those who have no allergies-related skin condition, you will have no idea how painful that could get. So, like adopting a new religion, I've abandoned the old steroid creams, antibiotics, painkillers, anti-histamines, cold and flu tablets, cough syrups, and all sorts of drugs/chemicals we believe would only suppress our illness and not treating from its root.

Last Saturday, rashes came to wish me happy new year, damn it! I look absolutely disgusting right now, because I couldn't stop myself from scratching the rashes WHEN I'M SLEEPING! Look, I've been very disciplined while I'm awake, by using diluted apple cider vinegar to stop the itch and aloe vera gel to soothe the skin. In these high thirty degrees day, yours truly is too embarrassed to wear anything sleeveless in fear of being seen as the woman with deadly skin disease. This is double depression for me.

Now I HAVE to eat much more healthily. It's true, these two weeks I've been eating rubbish! I've been so drained from all these Christmas and New Year celebrations, even more I've to work through the festive season besides the actual days, I have been mistreating my body with bad eating. I've been feeding myself all these junk food, fast food and frozen food, no wonder my skin rallies for nutrients! I am f*cking upset with these rashes but in a way it is good because my body is reacting to whatever that I'm allergic to, and to me being malnutrition. These are all natural. Who would think a person like me with the size of a baby whale is malnutrition. I chuckled at that term when it came out from Olga's mouth.

So she said I'm corrupted. Because I love dairy - my cheddar and camembert and Danish blue and brie and yoghurt in the morning and mozzarella in every possible dish I cook. I'm asian and dairy is not in our diet traditionally. Apparently, asians never suffered from osteoporosis until they were "corrupted". Hello dairy, hello osteoporosis, and hello bad skin! Yes, there's calcium in milk but our body doesn't absorb much from it, instead more problems are created. She's not the first, nor the second but the forth person who told me to stop taking dairy. Everyone of them including a renowned dermatologist explained to me in their own ways with their own reasons. I totally buy them, I understand and I believe, but my love for the pungency of blue, the spicy-ness of vintage cheddar, the chewiness of mozzarella and softness of double brie is hard to cease. Today, Olga said to me milk is not for human, they are for cows! Very well said. The dermatologist told me milk is from pregnant cows that are raging with hormones. HORMONES. Okay, so I've to start all over again with my extremely-low-dairy diet. I'm allowed to have a treat now and then, sigh... so depressing (again!).

Fingers crossed I'll look better soon, as in tomorrow morning because it's 36 degrees tomorrow, it will be wonderful if I'm granted the option of wearing a strappy summer dress to work and meet some friends for drinks afterwards. Otherwise, I'll be cursing all the way till I'm fully recovered! 41 degrees Monday, hope that will change over the weekend. It's not good when it's too hot, dangerous. I solemnly pray for no bushfire, more rain to come, and smooth skin tomorrow morning, please...

there's a tear

It was a long hiatus. Blame it on Twitter, or I'm just solely lazy. I've read on a friend's blog before (I don't remember who) all his entries are depressing, because he/she only writes when he's unhappy. I kind of understand what he meant. Because sometimes when you're feeling blue, you do not know how to make yourself feel better besides writing. For one, I'm not good at sharing misery in real life.

Yes, I'm feeling very much under the weather but I'll get over it.

So it's a new year, actually, a new decade. It's a new beginning and I could almost feel it in my skin that all good things are about to happen. I'm all hyped up for the new year, looking forward to better career opportunities, new adventures, better lifestyle, tip-top health condition, and all things positive. I do, I really do. And I know it's gonna happen but sometimes, just these very small fraction of times that would make me lie in bed and cry. This part of me who is so bad with letting go and getting over grief. And then I ask myself - f*ck, am I depressed? I think I'm just damaged and this piece of damaged goods likes the pain; because pain makes her feel that He's near her, everything is fresh and new and He hasn't gone too far for too long.

Enough said, I'm screwed because as everyone is moving on with life and embracing the happier moments, this very small part of me is stuck in the past. Ironically, I've no issue sharing with you here, neither do I have issue admitting it but I just do not want to talk about it to anyone.

It does feel good letting my fingers do the work. I'm feeling better now, tears are dry, nose is cleared. Have I also told you that I really appreciate those of you who read this space, who knows when I'm depressed, who leaves me message but never ever bring it up in person when I see you? Thank you. We shall keep it that way, xoxo