Thursday, November 30, 2006

When You Look at It, You Think of Me

MSN conversation with Eileen, un-edited...

10:09:58 PM Eileen: wah.....
10:10:01 PM Eileen: i'm reading your Best Thighs story
10:10:05 PM Eileen: interesting....
10:17:48 PM me: interesting, you wanna read his mail?
10:17:48 PM Eileen: oh, so that's what happened
10:17:53 PM me: he was insulting
10:17:54 PM Eileen: yes yes!!
10:17:59 PM me: i send it to you right now
10:18:03 PM me: i'll send you my reply too
10:18:03 PM Eileen: alrite!!!
10:18:05 PM me: fuck him la
10:18:52 PM Eileen: sent dy?
10:19:45 PM me: read right now!!!!
10:29:39 PM Eileen: hahahahhahahahahahah
10:30:33 PM Eileen: his style of writing is so "properly" phrased
10:30:33 PM Eileen: it's so beating round the bush
10:30:41 PM me: yes!
10:30:55 PM me: i know, that night when he talked to me, it was even worse
10:30:58 PM Eileen: i nearly fell asleep while reading
10:31:16 PM me: he was just so inarticulate, I had no idea what he was talking about
10:31:23 PM Eileen: what does he do? a poet?
10:31:25 PM me: Fucking hell, he thinks I'm in love with him now?
10:31:35 PM me: muahahaha.... he owns his own "bakery"
10:31:42 PM me: doing xxx
10:31:49 PM Eileen: oh...
10:32:08 PM Eileen: is this the same guy who left messages on your car?
10:32:08 PM Eileen: or diff?
10:32:27 PM me: tsk tsk tsk... now i'm not angry at him anymore, we're friends once again, but i still think he's lame
10:32:43 PM me: different, another guy left message on my car. this is the one who left message on my door
10:32:47 PM me: ;)
10:35:15 PM Eileen: oh...ok
10:35:26 PM Eileen: i like your reply
10:36:03 PM me: really? not bitchy? Jo said it's really mean
10:36:23 PM me: well... i can't be bothered. At least they are what i really think and feel
10:36:36 PM me: he's a smart man, he'll be able to read between my lines, hiakss
10:37:19 PM Eileen: mean? i don't think so
10:37:23 PM Eileen: bitchy - yes but in a very subtle way
10:38:08 PM Eileen: well, he started his bastard-ness first, didn't he
10:39:20 PM me: hihihi... i thought so
10:39:34 PM me: i think he's a player himself
10:39:45 PM me: and i'm no innocent 15-year-old
10:40:02 PM me: and i personally think he sent me that cause he felt threaten by the fact that, I'm not all over him
10:40:46 PM Eileen: haha
10:40:46 PM Eileen: yeah...
10:40:58 PM Eileen: men & their egoism

*** *** *** *** ***

It's very unusual that I've not step foot in KLCC. Do you know how much I enjoy shopping at KLCC? Also my afternoon tea at Chinoz. My usual (alright, call me boring) routine would be - yamcha lunch at Lai Po Heen, MO; shopping; meet up with friends for tea at Chinoz; more shopping before dinner at California Bistro, MO.

I've not done that this time, because of my f*cking foot! Thanks for all the messages and calls guys, I'm getting better. Been seeing the doctor three days straight, got antibiotics injection yesterday and today. Redness's almost gone, just a little swelling left. If it wasn't for my brother's wedding, I wouldn't turn to these antibiotics, they are against my belief.

The bride's family wedding dinner will be tomorrow. I've so much to prepare. Just finished writing my speech for our side's dinner on Saturday. Will post it after the wedding. Hopefully I don't cry while I'm on stage on Saturday, I can't ruin my make up! I've not buy their wedding gift, will do so next week. I've already decided on what to buy. Was contemplating before, to buy something that they will use, or something that I like. I was then told by a wise man that I should buy something that I like, as the gift represents me as a person. Yes, I know what I'm getting, I just need more moolah!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Life in Heaven

Couldn't give two f*cks to my swollen foot. I went shopping yesterday, after the over-ordered lunch (again) with Eleana at Centrepoint. I was a little disappointed to find that the valet service at One Utama new wing is no more there. The guard then asked me if I've got a platinum card. Yes, I do, so??? What has it gotta do? I then was told that I get to park at this area where only platinum card holders can get in? What the f*ck? What's all these?I parked in there anyway. Well, they have these funky machine before you get in the area where you've to put your card in before they give you a ticket, that was something new to me.

When I met up with my mum, she asked me where I've parked my car, I said 'outside'.
"Where outside?"
"Outside of Delicious"
"Oh, you can park there? I didn't know that"
"Yeah, you don't have to pay too, just use your credit card"(giving the smarty-pants face)
"How much?"
"Not sure, eight bucks I think"
"There are heaps of empty space in the carpark and it's only a dollar!"
"I don't know, I don't know the way, I've just got home, give me some time to get my memory back..."
"blah blah blah blah..."

Before I got to buy what I was suppose to, I made a pit stop at Zara, my weekday playground for affordable fashion fix. In merely fifteen minutes, I managed to grab a tweed long jacket and a jumper, for less than RM600!!! My god, if it wasn't because of my mum was waiting for me, I could have spent two hours in there. Nevermind, next week! And wish they'll have more new stocks.

Not only that, I got some of my cosmetics from Kensapothecary for less than AUD350. You've no idea how cheap they are here than in Melbourne. I don't mind spending on clothes in Melbourne because I get totally different styles and cuts, but these cosmetics are the same shit. Man, I'm gonna stock some Creed parfum back, they are just sensational.

Went for full legs, arms and underarm waxing today. It's been nine months. Wait, I'm not saying that I've not been waxing for nine months but lying down there having a few people around me to wax me, not something that I usually do in Melbourne. It's usually the DIY at home. But here, it's dirt cheap, I can't be bothered doing anything myself. Not to forget the SPA manicure and pedicure that are free (okay, my mummy paid for them). I think I could be really spoilt if I live here (again) long enough.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Irreplaceable, Not

The hidden pop fans in me is re-emerging. It could also be the result of watching Channel V for most of the day. Can she be any hotter? I especially like the lyrics of the song, awesome.

You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable

My foot is still as swell and red as before. What can I do?

Opss... have I mentioned that Timberlake's album is my first purchase in KL? And Eleana got me Robbie William's for my birthday *grin*

Monday, November 27, 2006

I've Been 'Rejected', puiii!

I've got a looOoog email from the Neighbour. I was contemplating to share this or not but I reckoned maybe I should. Let me post some excerption from his long poetic mail here.

...why I am writing this note to you is to say that I respect and value your friendship and opinions but as a friend.

Your company and friendship is great and to be kept. My feelings for there to be more with you though are not.

You may think that this email is of no real importance to us and that I have confused what this has been. Ultimately it is me wanting to be clear and honest with you about where I sit in my feelings.

Does he know what is he talking about for f*ck's sake? Jeez... I think he is having a complex. Let me explain to you what had happened briefly. The Neighbour, obviously as stated in his nick, is my neighbour. He left some notes(plural) at my door last year while I was still attached to my then boyfriend, Mr Personality-less. In respect to my then relationship, I did not response to the Neighbour.

Spring this year, I sent him a text to acknowledge his notes. I was single and I thought it wouldn't harm to have another friend (okay, call it time-filler if you like) to hang out with. Hence, we went on a couple of dates, and it wasn't too bad. Not long after, we had stopped contacting each other for some reasons. Until a few months back, he started asking me out again but I was then too absorbed in my all-over-the-place dates and parties.

We started going again a couple of weeks ago, spent a lot of time together. I had even went as far as to introduced him into my social circle, unintentionally, and he blended in just well, way too well. I'll also have to admit that we're more than just neighbour and friends, but trust me, I was and still am in no state for commitment.

The highlight was this - he took me out for dinner on the night before I left, we were hanging out at his place after returning from dinner. We were talking, watching TV, hanging out and I came out with this statement

"I'm gonna miss you when I'm away"

Now look, I said this to everyone, all my friends, and I meant it. But that doesn't mean I want anything from him, e.g. relationship or asking him to f*cking marry me! If you ask me, I can tell you that yes, I did enjoy his company. We got along very well, I felt really comfortable and he never failed to feed me intelectually. But that doesn't mean I was after a relationship with him, for f*ck's sake.

Subsequent to THE statement I made, he started to have The Talk with me, trying to explain himself. I'm not gonna elaborate what we had talked about but in short, he was telling me that he's not ready for commitment. Proud to say, I responded and reacted in a pretty cool way to what he said. That had made him realized that I am in fact quite liberated (that's the word he used). Also, I personally felt that he was a little surprise that I wasn't what he had expected me to be. To my own surprise, I had a sense of relieve after that, as I at least knew what he was thinking and made myself clear in return.

On the following day, before I left home, he called me to talk to me. When I was at the airport, he texted me a couple of times and called me to chat. I did wonder for a moment, what did he want? And last night, I got this so called 'rejection' email, when I wasn't even demanding any f*cking thing from him. Who does he think he is?

Me and my support team had of course discussed this over emails and phonecalls. I personally think that he knew that I can walk out of him anytime and before I do that, he chose to send me that email first to lie to himself that he's the one who 'ditched' me. Jo reckoned that he's a player who opted the honest-style and he'd rather be honest with me in order to not lose me as a friend as well as a flirt. Pat reckoned that he thinks that I'm so in love with him that I want him to marry me. Eleana reckoned that I'm the first Asian girl he encountered that is not all over him and is actually making him feel low.

In the first place, it was him who threw himself all over me when we saw each other again this time round. I've to say that I do appreciate what he's done for me and my friends for the past couple of weeks, even after that senseless email. He was indeed very nice to me. I never had problem with men thinking that I want to marry them, he is definitely the first. Having said that, I presume it wasn't me who had done something outrageous for me to deserve such email.

It's definitely his problem here. Dude, I guess it's time for you to wake up and smell the fresh air. I like you a lot but I do not want anything more than what we were having before. In case you don't know this, I was freaking out when you were too nice to me, I thought you were the commitment-maniac!

Alright, enough said. With the help of my ever-so-supportive girlies, I've replied to his email. It sounded friendly, cool and sweet with a hint of bitchiness, if you get what I mean. If what I predicted comes true, he should be digging a hole to hide his quite-attractive face. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him, but I did feel a little offended by that mail, trust me, there were heaps more other contents in the mail, mostly about himself, his feelings, his history, his other woman (who is not his woman).

We got along extraordinarily well afterall. I really would love to still spend time with him whenever possible, only if he can get over his embarrassment *chuckle* Call me living in my own world or whatever, it's all about personal choices. I chose to believe he's gonna be embarrassed.

Can't wait till he replies.

Elephant Left Foot

I've got elephant foot! Went to the doctor at noon and I apparently got bitten by 'something', so he said. Well, there are several different school of thoughts in the case of my swollen left foot. Eleana reckoned it was the chemical that my hair dresser used to perm my hair, it went down to my foot somehow, don't ask me how. Rodney reckoned that I didn't get my alcohol fix on Saturday night, therefore I had some Sangria on Sunday arvo. I reckoned it was because I've put on so much weight, I'm putting too much pressure on my foot.

Caught up with Steph and Eleana at our favourite Sunday brunch joint, La Bodega, BSC yesterday. I was so excited about god-knows-what. I was snapping pictures with my camera, since when the usual Sunday brunch has become a tourist's event for me?

I was advised by my family doctor that in order to get well for the wedding dinner on Thursday, I'm suppose to stay in bed - as in, don't walk whenever possible. F*cking hell! Why does this has to happen to me? Only me? Last winter I got a diarrhea when I returned; last summer I had diarrhea, fever and was vomitting a day before I was suppose to head down south for Zoukout at Sentosa Island; this summer I got a swollen elephant leg. Just what is wrong with me? It's not like I'm going to some unknown island in India, I'm only coming home!!!

Because of my f*cking left foot, I am not allowed to go out. Therefore am here, sitting on my bed, blogging, msn-ing and watching the cable. Believe it or not, I've not even stepped foot in the malls! I need to shop, I want to get this Tod's clutch for the wedding. I know I don't need it but I need to head to the malls.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

To the Melbourne Gang, With Lotsa Love

Greetings from the warm and humid KL!

Thanks a lot to those who came to CQ and Lanai on Friday, I had such a good time. If you haven't already know, I had obviously had too much to drink. I was the last in the very-long-line to check-in, and of course the last one to board. Had some food and felt really sick - I chucked! Had about ten cups of hot tea just to calm my stomach.

Anyway, KL is great, as ever. I was struggling in remembering the route to my hair dresser but once I got in to the car, everything was just too easy. I've afterall lived my whole life here in KL before Melbourne. Traffic here is crazy, but so am I. All the unclear road signs (but I don't need them); driving 120km/h on 60km/h (and nobody cares); having a fast(er) car to drive in comparison to my little red rocket. Violet, you should see the way I drive here, as crazy as you, or worse.

It's great to see my family and friends again, who missed me as much as I missed them. My folks were so excited, even my maids were eager to see me. Not to forget my dearly missed shoes and bags *grin* Not having to do any cleaning and cooking is just too good to be true. Return to my room that is bigger than my tiny apartment in Docklands; all the home-cooked food. Bad news is, girls here are so tiny, I'm like the fattest girl of my age in town, damn!

It's good to have this kinda life once in a year. I know I want to return to Melbourne, the second place that I call home - driving sensibly, doing my laundry and dishes, taking the cab to meet up with you guys for after work drinks, look for a job, struggle to pay my rent every end of the month, thanking god that my apartment is small whenever I'm cleaning it... Four weeks and I'm back - thanks for making it happen!

I'm taking it really easy now, before my brother's wedding. I didn't go out last night, fell asleep while watching the cable before I could decide to check out the scene or not. I was completely knackered after 36 hours of no sleep. After his wedding, it's gonna be party time. All the mid-week Mambo, Laundry Thursday, kick-ass weekends; shopping shopping shopping; massages massages SPA; favourite restaurants and new ones, can't wait.

Now, how was your weekend?

Minh & Keat - Happy Birthday in advance.
Milyn - call me a day before you come to KL, I'll take you to this very good Italian place.
Sasha - please ask Vum to call me when he's in KL.
Sharon - call when you're here, I'll go out with you after the wedding.

Missing you guys. Mail back!


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Adieu, Spendthrift

Can uncertainties keep someone interested for a longer time? I don't know. Perhaps.

Keat was telling me it's good to keep things uncertain, the guessing makes the heart grows fonder. Unless I want a relationship, so she said. Pat agreed with her. Violet and I, on the other hand, cannot agree on that. We are the closure-seeking women, regardless of whether we are looking for a relationship or otherwise, we 'have to' end things before we start a new chapter. I'm just so obstinate in these many ways.

Made Chickouna for the girls on Tuesday, instead of them bringing take-away. I was pleased that the girls liked my cooking and finished the whole tray, not considering whether it really did taste okay, or them being tactful. Also, to my relieve, none of them felt sick the following day, phew... Look, I don't cook for people often, and one of the reasons is that I am afraid I'll give my friends diarrhea, although that hasn't happened yet, YET!

Charmaine made dinner tonight. I felt really healthy for eating in two nights in a row. If you haven't already know, I usually eat out six days a week. It's not that I can't cook but cooking for one person is too much of a hassle, not to forget the washing. Hey, putting the dishes in to the dishwasher requires a lot of hardwork okay?

I've been good in the sense that I'm really budgetting my food and beverages expenses. No more cocktail, or rather not going to bars; no expensive dinners; no shopping. My best-ever group of friends here are pooling in money for me to return for two weeks for New Year. They are such generous people (I'll return the money eventually, don't sweat) and it will be so wrong for me to splurge on things while others are trying to help me. So, hear me - I will be good, I will live frugally until I clear off my debts, I promise!

Again, my crazy yet ever so supportive friends:
Thanks for making it happen! I know this is way too crazy to be true, but we're all making it possible. I'll make sure it's worthwhile.

p.s. Mamma-san Patricia was pimping me off!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Food is What I Can Think Of Now

It was again three o'clock in the afternoon, we had the whole restaurant by ourselves - Jessie and I were going nuts. We've found our new addiction - Szechuan (spicy) hotpot at Hot Pot King, Box Hill. That's what we had instead of yam cha on a thirty-one-degree-celsius Sunday afternoon. I've to admit, we're a little crazy.

At the same time, I'm also having a bubble tea relapse, after several months of bubble milk tea-less. This is bad but bad things are always addictive, aren't they? I always go back to the same sort of things that are not good for myself - food and men, pfftt!

Had dinner at Sung's Kitchen again, this was the first time I tried their beggar chicken. Let me tell you, it's freaking good! Food at Sung's has always been good, not cheap-cheap but I think it's worth it, for the quality of food and service. And the two full pages of dessert selection, yum...

Call me a loser if you want as I'm still hooked on my Spicy Prawns from Dainty. Had take-away after my budget dinner and my unhealthy bubble tea from Chinatown. I'm utterly broke but I just can't resist those Szechuan peppercorn, knowing that I'm gonna miss them when I'm back in KL.

Actually I have a lot to blog about, too much running thoughts, I can't write just yet. All I can talk about is just food for now.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I'm the Proud Malaysian

I forgot to state something - I'm really infuriated when people look down at us MALAYSIANs! These idiots, who haven't seen the world enough at all, obviously, do expect us Malaysians to be 'un-educated, ugly and have no fashion-sense'.

F*ck them! Us Malaysian girls might not be the best, but we're definitely one of the hottest! The un-informed a.k.a. un-educated - open up your eyes and start observing, Malaysian girls are just too great. Erm... perhaps you guys are too much of a loser to notice that, poor boys.

It happened to me this evening, along with many other nights... they started with all the f*cked up compliments, then my origin. Malaysian of course. They said they can't believe it. Of course they don't, cause they are too stupid! Smart ones would've known that I'm a Malaysian girl, with that black hair with the curls!

Start Googling man!

Good Friday

Alumbra was still as good as ever, fantastic music, good drinks and non-sleazy crowd. That's where me and Milyn went after the "most-pathetic-ever-bar" we've ever been to - Lanai! Trust me (or not), the crowd there was super-duper-erm... errrr... uugghhh!!! I couldn't believe the three of us - Milyn, Jessie and myself were there! That place was just WRONG! Okay, I shall say no more but if you want to look ugly among the ugly people, that's the place.

I had such a great night on Friday - drinks with Steve (and others) at Cookie; awesome dinner at my favourite Japanese joint - Shoya; great time with Jessie and Milyn; impeccable house music at Alumbra; quality time at other people's private yacht and at the Docklands Park with Milyn on our way home. It was a great "last Friday" for me.

It's now Saturday night/Sunday morning, what shall I do when I can't sleep after drinking too much?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Hot Pot Lunch

Dinner last night at Lynch's was kinda hilarious, with a sober Jessie, totally smashed Sasha and tipsy Lynn. Oh, not to forget Vummy who came here for dessert and to watch us Sasha pouting her lips and... erm... say her birthday gift? Food was great and service was acceptably good, compared to the scatty service at Koko last weekend.

Hooked up with Jessie for lunch today. She wanted Chilli Chicken but I thought it wasn't a good idea as I've just had it two days ago. Then we decided on yam cha at Box Hill but we came out with an even better idea - Hot Pot King, Szechuan hot pot - yummilicious. It's perfect for such a chilly day like today. Yes, we were the two idiots who had hot pot at three o'clock in the afternoon, having the whole restaurant to ourselves.

The devil had also tempted me to Chaddy while we were suppose to head back to the city and darn, I've spent money! I'm utterly broke and I've spent money, God... please help me! Good thing was that it was mostly Christmas gifts, means that they are for other people. Alright, I confess - I bought a cardi for myself but I was looking for that one in white since I was in Brisbane. I know, no excuses. Fine.

Had dinner with Merv's group at Via Veneto as Louis is leaving tomorrow for more than three months. It could be just me and Jessie, but the food wasn't too good tonight, I didn't like it.

I'm so tired, and feeling fat from all the food and bubble teas that I've had today. I'm disgusting. Shall take a shower and watch some bad TV.


After so many years, I'm still repeating this song on my iTunes, despite the crappy music video.

Sarah McLachlan - Stupid

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My Gap Year

I was bored so I took Steph's advice and started reading some old quotes from Sex and the City.

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

That is very close to my current state of mind. I've had my relationship gap year - being single to build a relationship with myself - which in many sense, made me a better person. My confidence has grown, I'm more focused if not totally, calmer, and comfortable with myself - my past and my present.

In this one year, I've met heaps of people, both men and women. I've been on countless dates, exchanged thousands of stories and ideas. There are those who adore me for who I really am; there are those that had stopped calling me because they think I'm too playful and naughty; there are those who see me in the light of a trophy girlfriend/wife by 'perfectionizing' me; there are those who are amazed by me and started to idolized me; there are also those that despise me for many possible reasons.

What I'd love most is to meet someone, who holds my hand and walk down the road with me, side by side, perhaps half a step quicker. It's not that I can't lead my own way, but a man who can guide always have a place in my heart. A man who pampers me but not babies me; a man who makes me a better person; a man who see the real strength in me and encourages me to make use of them; a man who have faith in me; someone who's smarter than I am in some sense; someone who thinks that I'm beautiful inside out; someone who accepts my past and understands that my history carves who I am today; someone who respects and loves my family and friends as much as I do; someone who will work hard together with me to keep the love and passion going.

Someone that I am in love with.

I was just talking to Joanne on MSN, she told me that I'm a Carrie and I should be a Samantha - Samantha f*cks and go while Carrie makes love. Yes, I am not a Samantha, I'm not as capable. I f*ck and I get emotionally involved, then I get upset when things don't go my way. I'm always lost, lost and lost, wander, wander and wander, not knowing what I actually want. But the good thing is, I never give up, as I still believe, I know I can eventually land on the right place, at the right time.

I can never be Samantha, can I?

Farewells Lined Up

Weather's great today although most of them around me has been cursing. It's cold and gloomy, just like how I've always like it to be. I shall get to the city slightly earlier today, if it is at all possible, to do my Christmas shopping before meeting up with Sasha and her interesting pseudo-book writer friend for drinks. Maybe I shouldn't go for drinks in order to save some moolah, sigh... I don't know. I've not many days left in Melbourne.

I've recently been really busy with dinners. All the catch-up dinners that I've been postponing since god-knows-when and the farewell dinners. That's one of the many good things about humankind, we eat for every reason - birthdays, deaths, farewells, catching ups, promotions, even breaking ups for myself. I find every reason to celebrate both big and small events in life, as well as to eat and drink to drown my sorrow when things go against my wish.

Because I know people, thus I heard you.

I was informed that I have a "farewell party" lined up for me on this Thursday. Well, that's a real surprise for me. As me, being the one who's gonna leave the country soon know nothing about the so-called party. Hilarious is that there's apparently no one is going. Alright, surprise me may you. I'm in fact looking forward to tomorrow and see what is going to happen, two-person-party?

In fact, the group is organizing a farewell pre-drinks, dinner, more drinks then club Saturday for me. I foresee there's gonna be drunkards kicking arses in Melbourne city again, especially the one with the name of a flower, as well as the colour *wink*

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I'm a Freak

Gave up cooking my Chicken Linguini, went out to have Spicy Prawn and Chilli Beef takeaway from Dainty instead. I still can't believe how much I'm hooked on to this Szechuan peppercorn, perhaps that's just me - getting hooked on something just so easily, just so quickly, and before I even know it myself, I just snap it, faster than I thought I am capable of.

Regardless of how much I don't want to be in a relationship, the term 'relationship' is just so invincible, in any sense. There are more complex relationships other than the MWR - men-women-relationship. There are times when you start to ponder... what is the status?

Hold on a second! Firstly, what do I want? Vaguely I know I want my cake and eat it; in actuallity, I do not know what I want, but I know what I don't want. I don't want to be tied down, yet I don't want to let go of something that I think could be good for me. I want the best of both world, but I don't know how. There's too much uncertainty, it's freaking me out.

Haven't I said that I want to have all the fun and freedom till my 27th birthday?

I have a problem trusting, I've just realized. I never thought I've that problem until this evening, I have to accept the fact that I'm a loser who can't trust. Was it innate? Or is this what I've got from the post-Health Advisor-syndrome? Is that an alarm for disaster when everything is going so unbelievably well, so well that you thought you've just gotten a free ride to eternal happiness?

I'm freaking myself out, and freaking people around me out. Maybe I shouldn't have eaten and shitted at the same place.

Fundamentally F*cked Up

Time flies, too quickly. I thought the last time I caught up with Electrolux was a month ago but boy, was I wrong. It was in fact been five months that I've not seen him. Just what have I done for the past five months? Travelling, partying, drinking, good food searching, blogging, dating... it was indeed a lot that I've done.

We had dinner at Grossi Florentino. That was the place where we had our first dinner together, and tonight will be the last for us in Melbourne. He's leaving the country for good and I'm leaving for my summer holiday. He is a good man. A good man who bores me, sorry to say. I felt absolutely remorseful for getting caught for my eyes were wandering while my mind was straying, all at the same time when he was talking to me. I felt so guilty that I wanted to pay for the bill, thinking that it might help me feel better but of course, he didn't allow me to. On the contrary, he sent me a text when I got home, to tell me how glad he was to catch up with me and would love to have another dinner before I leave, erm... what the eff? He spent more than three-hundred bucks, talk most of the night, watched me day-dreamed and he told me he had fun? He is FFU - Fundamentally Fucked Up - as taught by Violet.

It was the most taxing three-and-a-half-hour I've ever had. What had happened to me? I am sure I had sat through many dreary dates before but this evening, my forehead was marked "BORED" in fluorescent. It was too taxing for me, both physically and mentally. Couldn't even be courteous enough to put up my cheery facade, I'm sorry.

Anyways, what I used to like - food at Grossi Florentino - had totally failed to impress me. Is that their problem or mine? Perhaps I'm suffering the consequences of good-food-hunting: high expectations, less satisfaction. Gave Jacques Reymond's degustation a go on Friday with Jessie and Milyn, it wasn't too impressive either, but much better than Grossi Florentino. For the past two months, Vue De Monde was the only one that made me jump, what say you?

My weekend was another round of food-athon. I even had to eat two dinners on Saturday, because it was both Jessie's and Sasha's birthday. Both are my very good friends and I couldn't afford to miss any of it. For that reason, I had my first dinner at Stokehouse from six, followed by Japanese at Koko at almost ten, pfftt...

Nineteen plates of dim sum for three girls were what Katie, Kylie and myself had for yam cha this afternoon. Partially my fault as I was two hours late *blush* Kylie was also to blame because she was telling me she can eat more than ten plates, I later found out that it was two f*cking years ago.

More dinners to come, both farewells and belated birthday. Bye bye my waist.

Friday, November 10, 2006

That's a Big Hole

My supper-free diet is down the drain, thanks to Chilli Chicken and Spicy Prawns. I can't believe I was eating three meals last night, each at 8pm, 12am and 4am, darn! Like it wasn't bad enough, tonight I had decided to have supper at St Kilda with Milyn. I was deciding between grocery shopping or supper before I saw her on MSN. Food, of course. I had scaloppine, spring rolls and oyster kilpatrick while Milyn had only wedges, hmm... this girl is a bad influence, she never says no to me, especially when it comes to food.

For some personal selfish reasons, I've called Dragon in KL. I could tell that he was rapturous to hear from me. I was very surprise that he actually offered to pick me up from the airport when I return. Call me shameless but I felt that he was actually very much looking forward to my return, and to spend time with me. We spoke for about twenty minutes, it was a pleasant conversation. He then told me that he can't get along with her girlfriend of two months, and is planning to bid farewell to her soon, ermm... good luck!

As for myself, from leaving the not-too-long-ago past and stepping in to the hitting-on-my-face future, there is a rather big hole marked 'closure'. I'm one of those obstinate people out there, who needs a closure for almost everything. Regardless of how badly written a book(except for course work, of course) is, I want to complete it; despite of how terrible a movie is, I have to finish it; irrespective of how obvious things are, I need a finale to achieve closure.

But while part of me felt that there is no rush in things, that I should take it slow and easy; another part of me was mildly alarmed. I realized that if I hang on to where I was long enough, I might've lose my sense of direction and let pass my boat. Besides, the boat can't be parking at the marina waiting for me forever, it costs too much.

For that reason, I have to end things to keep things going.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Chilli Chicken Rocks!

Got take-away from Dainty - Chilli Chicken and Spicy Prawns, they are just so painfully addictive. I have been eating them three times now for the past ten hours. I was in bed before trying to sleep and all I could think of was to have another serve of the Spicy Prawns with rice - yummilicious.

Recommended Dainty to Diana, she bought boxes of Chilli-everything home for herself and Ming. Saw her on MSN later and the first line she wrote was "that was fucking hot". Boy, was it hot. It was so hot that it gave her a headache; it was so hot that Ming refused to touch them; it was so hot that it got me hooked. Damn, have I got addicted to pain?

Had coffee with Pei Wen at Grecco after not seeing her for the longest time. She's one of the most innocent girl around, very kind and sweet. We had bad cakes and exchanged stories. This sweetie is going through some lows now but I'm confident that as she walks through life, she will be fine. Sooner than any of us realizes, she'll be looking back at where she is now, chuckling at her own naivety. As she had told me today...

To be old and wise, you'll first have to be young and silly.


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Not Exactly the Right Time

How bad can it be when one doesn't have their cell for half an hour?

It was catastrophic! For some reasons, I have to live without my cell for about two hours today, it was two hours hell of an experience. I was absolutely impatient and apprehensive. How did I live when there weren't cells? Oppss... I was just too young to live with one.

Sometimes things just happen at the wrong time, just so wrong. Like I was counting my days to today, where my phone was suppose to ring but bang... it couldn't work for a good two hours. It wasn't that I was certain that it will ring, and no, it still hasn't, but why it had to happen at the most crucial moments?

Like why does one very potential man has to appear at the time when your mind is still on another, even though it was 'supposed' to be over - because there's no closure! Why does the loose ends that I'm suppose to be tying are in fact getting loser than ever, with more complications - because I'm too good at making a mess!

I've been getting some emails from friends, who are obviously very concern about me, stating that I don't sound fine from my entries. Don't worry, I am totally fine, I am in no distress, just confused at times. I am happy, I am fine. Some extra cash will help, if you don't mind.

Earthy Cocks

Caught The Departed at Crown this evening. The movie wasn't good, compared to the orignal trilogy of Infernal Affairs. With some wine and being seated so comfortably, I was close to falling asleep.

Something bizarre happened today. I met two fire cocks, and let me tell you, this is quite rare. I mean, my Chinese horoscope is Rooster, and I met another two Roosters, each 11 and 12 years older than myself. It could only be me but I've never met another Rooster who's only a cycle elder than myself, you get what I mean? Spooky was that the three of us were all earth signs, astrologically - Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn. We, uncannily, enjoyed staring at the muted tele side by side.

Strange, strange, strange.

Barbecue at Pat's was fantastic. I took the opportunity to learn to "boil water" and serve "Choya (Japanese plum wine)". My god, I learn something new everyday!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Took this when I went for the Picasso exhibition at the Art Gallery a month ago.

In the Mood to Question

When you're given a choice, shall us women go for a man who gives you the buzzing feeling, but is never available? One who you feel comfortable with, sans buzzing feeling, but matches all your criterias? Or wait for a man who you can tick all the boxes, ready for a relationship and gives you the buzzing feeling?

How important is it for your friends to accept your man? What happens when your friends hate your man?

What if this man doesn't exist? How long shall one wait before settling down for the second best?

Does it mean that I'm not ready for a relationship when the idea of a man could possibly be my last man in life freaks myself out?

What do I want... from the Health Advisor?

Pfftt... these are my new assignments. Perhaps I should write a 15000 words essay on these.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Drank for thirteen hours straight on Derby Day.
Followed by a fourteen-hour session on Sunday.
I've merely slept for four hours, what the hell am I doing?
I'm starving yet I don't have the energy to make food, let alone going down to buy food.

Pfftt! I'm too scared to step out of my apartment. Serve myself right, eating and shitting at the same place.

I can't take it no more, going to make food. Be back after getting enough sleep.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Dedicated to Violynn

Had a chat with Sasha yesterday, she had enlightened me with some constructive points that I didn't see before, as I was wrapped up in fuzz.

To cut a long conversation short, we've concluded that sometimes relationships (really depends on what kind of relationships you're looking at) is reminiscent to investment. Not all women can agree on this, but that's okay. At this point of time, I'm positive about this investment theory.

High risk - high return - high satisfaction
Low risk - low return - less satisfaction

As for myself, I'll make it simple by taking it as a game of Roulette, I don't know what's the next number and I'm staying to find out. I may be losing money, but I'm prepared for that from the moment I handed out my cash for some chips. It's not as complicated as we perceive it to be, there's only two possibilities - you win or you lose.

If I win, I go home happy. If I lose, I have to know when to leave the table. Pray for better luck the next time. At the end of the day, I know I've tried. No 'what ifs' no 'buts'.

Muddling Through

Electrolux: I'll finish with the project in Australia on December 1st. Going home for good :)
LL: I'm leaving for KL on the **. Catch up next week, either Tuesday or Thursday.
Electrolux: Yes, at least we can say goodbye with a dinner.
LL: We can have more than 1 dinner but next week I can only make it on Thursday. You okay?
Electrolux: Of course it is ok. You know I liked u very much, but then we lost contact. Actually I felt very strong for u, before I realized we were too different. But still I consider u a good friend! You are a very nice and friendly girl. ;)
LL: That's very nice of you. Okay, we'll do dinner Thursday. Speak to you then.
Electrolux: Ok, beautiful girl. Tell me, you don't have boyfriend yet? Just curious if a girl like you don't have company all the time. ;)
LL: No boyfriend, ;)
Electrolux: Why Lynn? You still only feel u want to be free and live your life? A beautiful girl like u should be treated like a queen and loved all the time. But I understand you. Freedom is nice and not easy to find good guys maybe.
LL: Are you drunk? What makes you think I'm not loved when I'm single? I may not be a queen but I may be a princess...
Electrolux: I am sure you are loved by many Lynn. Just wonder why you're not committed to them? I guess you feel freedom is good and you enjoy the attention and the possibility to choose. ;) Like your style.
LL: So are you drunk?
Electrolux: No! i am out drinking since one of the guys is going home tomorrow. I always mean what I say and some girls have problem to understand that my words always come from my heart. I am not only a sweet talker. I am serious in my words. I like you a lot.
LL: Thanks :) I'll see you on Thursday.
Electrolux: I could marry you, but girls never believe and understand my feelings. I am getting used to it now, ;) Don't take me too serious. I am just a special guy that is too honest!
(I was text-less, jeezzz... special?)
Electrolux: Have I scared u by being honest? I just like u very much. You should feel proud. ;)
LL: Yeah, am flattered. Of course am not scared, why would I be?
Electrolux: Because u may think I am weird.
(Can't be bothered wasting anymore money sms-ing)

My god, give me a break, look...
1) Stop assuming that being single equals to love deficiency.
2) Stop being so shallow, you can marry me, because you think I'm beautiful, even though we're both too different?
3) Stop flattering me with words like beautiful, I know how much I'm worth and it is nothing like what you said.
4) Stop contradicting yourself. One moment you told me your words were serious, another you told me not to take you seriously. Make up your mind, what do you want now?
5) Stop thinking that I should be proud just because you like me.
6) Stop assuming that I'm a naive little 16-year-old who get troubled easily by what you said, I've ill-fatedly met enough eccentric men similar to yourself.
7) You are right for thinking that you're special because you are, in a peculiar way. You're so right about yourself being weird.
8) Last but not least, freedom, attention and privilege to choose are of course awesome!!!


Whoever that tells you a student is stress-free is absolutely wrong. Look at what I have to deal with everyday? Well, at least a couple of times in a week, from these drunkards.

Not only that, I have to deal with my own priorities like all the strategies and planning for the Health Advisor; helping my girlies to draft the 'instant responses(WTF??)' to their "well-crafted" emails; got yelled at by the girlies because I didn't send their drafted texts like they wished; and recently, turning the table and take your opponent's seat, pfftt!

I am still, loathly, counting my days to leave this wonderland, that holds all my emotional loose ends. Wonder if I can manage to tie up all ends in time. As for now, my time is pretty occupied, at least my diary is completely filled for the next 10 days. I reckon I get busier when I'm on holiday *grin*

My MUST-do list:
-car service
-pay all outstanding bills... and FINES!
-go to 3 to change a new phone
-send my dress back to Brisbane
-sell my junks off on ebay, quick
-christmas shopping
-call make-up artist in KL
-change necklace at Tilkah
-fold all the laundry
-see a chiropractor
-see the dentist
-claim my medical bills
-yoga yoga yoga yoga yoga yoga
-win the Tattslotto!!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Judge Me, Not!

Having indigestion again due to some oily Chinese, sigh...

I have this friend(s) who is awfully judgmental, of me. For things that I'm doing, friends that I'm hanging out with, places that I go and people that I see. Who are you to judge me, when your life is none other than dreary? Who are you to judge me when your own happiness is in the hand of another woman? Who are you to judge me when you are not very much liked by people around?

Not only that, this friend(s) doesn't even has the guts to speak to me about it. Instead, blithering behind my back was what this not-so-little friend of mine did. Oh please, I've got a good pillow (thanks to the ex from hell) that doesn't give me a stiff neck, hence, I am capable of turning my head and watch the action behind my back *roll eyes*

I don't hate this friend(s), I know this friend(s) is a good people. But do you have to be that judgmental? I mean, this is my life, I live it and I love it. Don't pretend that you're concerned because I do not know how to appreciate it.

Maybe I'm now being judgmental, judging you on judging me.

p.s. all of you out there, give up asking me who this person is, this is one that I will not tell, I can't.


Sun is up, bed time...

Bottom of the Pit, already

It was shattered, with lots of post-cleaning up to do. Happened when I was tidying up my place yesterday. That was one of my favourite colour. Why can't it be the ones that I have abandoned? Those that are off my favourite list?

I have to agree with Steph, it is ironic how the ones you want are never readily available and we're stuck with all these time fillers. Not exactly, in the case of nail polishes. Forlornly true, when it comes to men. Not that I'm looking for one to settle down with, nor I am unhappy with these time fillers. Pursuing what you can't achieve is always mesmerizing.

I've also learned that you can't plummet any lower when you've reached the bottom of the pit. So I shouldn't be afraid of acting like an idiot finding way out as that's the lowest I can get, can't be any worse. Besides, no one will see what I do down there besides myself, and perhaps, the person who pushed me down.

Hence, I'm going to take that second, third, forth and even fifth step, valiantly. It's either I get out of the pit, or I'll stay where I already am, what else is there for me to lose?

Thank you, Sasha.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Getting Tired

Finally finished cleaning and tidying up my upside-down pad. My apartment is now pristine *wink* What's left are the clean laundry that needs to be folded or hung, as well as to remove those clothes that I've not worn for more than six months. I need more space for my new clothes, especially those from Brisbane.

Blown half a grand at Zomp Shoez last week, I know I'm beyond repair. The only thing that will help in my disastrous bank account balance is for me to win the Tattslotto. Jessie is bad, but I love shopping with her, quick and precise.

I'm counting my days till I go home, I'm unwilling to leave, as always. There are some unresolved business for me to deal with in Melbourne. I know I am going to miss Melbourne. It also doesn't need a clairvoyant to tell me that I will be unwilling to leave KL once I'm home. These two cities mean just so much to me.

I've bumped in to the Neighbour this evening when I was heading out, when I was least prepared. He looked well, I uncannily lost my words. Finally heard from the Big One, he sent me a long awaited sms, and a phone call much later. Honestly, I don't know should I be happy or otherwise, I'm starting to get sick of these. I'm sick of waiting, and waiting, and when I finally start to move on and my mind start to have fresh thoughts that keep my mind occupied... Bang!! My phone rings.

Is this suppose to be a joke or what?