Friday, September 28, 2007


I think Tetris is therapeutic, especially when I've got the killer PMS, like now. Haven't got this for a long time. Wei Liang was telling me, "when women get her PMS, they should go to sleep, or go shopping". Oh yeah, sounds simple but dude, where's the money to shop? Ask the men to pay for the bills and all problem might be solved.

I've started my dream diary from the 25th of September. For some reasons, I see the need to get in touch with my dreams, that they could be symbolic. Like you already know, I've weird dreams every night. The out-of-no-where, make-no-sense, faces-I've-never-seen and nonsensical-storyline kinda dreams. Candyman said I can publish a book in the future, with a collection of my weirdest of the weird dreams.

Aaarrrggghhh... I'm so not in the mood to do anything. Not even to go out. This mood swing is irritating the shit out of me and forget about asking me to control my temper and emotion, it's not working. So I played Tetris. That's the only thing that can take my mind off nonsense and calm me down, for a short moment.

No wonder TY thinks we girls need anger management class.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Relationship, ahhh...

I was looking through my undergrads assignments this afternoon, hoping to find some useful information that will help me in my current studies, but no, nothing related. Anyway, I found these essays which reminded me that I've once took this very interesting elective unit of behavioral studies, namely Human Relationship & Interpersonal Communications. I was ecstatic because I remembered this is the one and only unit that I had gotten all D and H.D for all assignments *giggle*

So I started reading what I had written and all these demand-withdraw pattern, relational maintenance and all different terms and theories came to mind. This got me curled up in bed and began to think about relationship.

Relationship. I looked at my past failed relationships and asked myself, how did I manage to make so much sense in those essays? I've my fair share of heartbreaks and heart-breakings (aaarrrgghh... karma, karma!), had been into f*cked-up relationships and am still learning how to not screw things up. They can be so easily put on papers but when it comes to practise... *roll eyes*

Relationship. Easy to give your friends advice on what to do and what not to do but always do the opposite when I'm in trouble. Sometimes I surprise myself with the most sensible advice given to my friends but when others advised me when I needed help, I could't hear a thing. I blindly did them my way, pffft!

Relationship. It had happened that when I had one, I wanted to get out of it. There were times when I was looking for one yet it kept hiding away from me. There were times when I was trying to hide myself but it couldn't stop chasing after me. There were times when we had a pact where we would take a break from each other and enjoy ourselves, it was awesome. Then this is also the time where we've decided that it's time to reunite.

Relationship. I thought I got into a ridiculous one but it makes me smile, it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy and it gives me strength. So, it's not that bad. In fact, being with someone who's not with you all the time makes it a stronger relationship because it is based mostly on emotional connection. I believe we will build a strong foundation that will take us a long way. See, it makes a non-believer (of long distance relationship) believes!

Relationship. I thought my problem was big but when you look around you, everyone has their problems. Some are small little problems that are too easy to solve, some allowed it to snowball to a huge one. Some hold on to each other and destroy the snowball, some walk away from each other. Some wants to step on the snowball and let it melt but have not enough strength without the support of the other.

It has never been easy, and it shouldn't be easy, but they are part of life. It's all hard work and for those who needs help, I can lend you my text book but let me tell you... theory and practice don't quite match.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Don't Forget that Smile

I love the smell of chemical that comes with the steam when you open up your dishwasher to a clean load of dishes. Many say using the dishwasher isn't environmental, the washing tablets are not biodegradable and all the toxic bla bla story shit. I've accustomed to almost not washing a single mug. I believe washing is too much work.

I also love the feel of fresh warm laundry from the dryer with that mild sweet scent. Getting the clothes out of the dryer is the best part of doing one's laundry I believe. Some say it is also not very environmental while it puts my electricity bill up. I think it's too much work to hang my clothes out in the balcony, and then take them in.

I love going to bed knowing that I don't have to get up early the following day. For some reasons, I don't sleep well when I know I've got an AM start the next day. The more important the appointment is, the more restless I would get. Most of the time I'll end up tossing and turning in bed and waking up every other hour to check on the time. Uncannily, the alarm has to set off when I finally doze off, gggrrrhhh...

I enjoy coming home to a made bed. It just makes you feel calmer and more lifted. Well, generally coming home to a cleaned, organized apartment is great, always great. Not to forget to leave the windows open for fresh air, and blinds up for sunlight. Bliss.

It is these small little things in daily life that makes me happy. Guess they are rewards sent from above praising my hard work - putting dishes in to washer, transferring laundry from washer to dryer, making my bed, amongst others. There always should be a brighter side and I wish I will always smile a little in stinky situation that is generally life.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Mr. and Mrs. Liaw

Congratulations to June and Desmond, they are now Husband and Wife. It was a lovely ceremony accompanied by great family, friends and beautiful weather. As far as I can remember, this is the first wedding that I've attended without being on the verge of shedding happy tears. They were just too funny and we were all amused.

I got all attention from the guests by embarrassingly making a dash into the waiting room, panting, sweating and panicking. I thought I was late. I was such an idiot, let me tell you. I was already late being in traffic on chocker-everyday Collin Street. When the taxi driver stopped me at the corner of Spring and Collin, which was exactly where I should've gotten off, I told him to keep going towards the north of Spring.

He reminded me that I'm suppose to be at Treasury Building and that's where I should get off. I was more than confident and I told him to not worry, I know where I wanna go. Fine. So I got off 2 blocks later, by giving him a fat tip because I had no time to waste for change. I crossed the road, stared at the Parliament and told myself, that's not where I wanna go! I don't know what I was thinking but I knew I was late. So I ran, literally ran like I was being chased by a monster in my maxi dress and sandals. I made it there before the ceremony began, phew!

It's Saturday night and I'm home. I want to stick to this pattern in the future.

Got home from dinner and realized I've forgotten to leave the balcony door open for fresh air. So the sweet scent of the oriental lilies welcomed me home instead. Then I thought of Candyman. Every evening when we came home, he would be whinging about how my apartment is like an ice room, followed by demanding a big hug from me before shutting the balcony door. That put a smile on my face. If he was with me tonight, he would be jumping in joy for the warmed apartment.

He is, once again, right. I don't have to miss him because he's always with me, in my heart.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Steph tagged me

5 things in my handbag/bag :
mobile phone
lip balm
keys (either home or car)
hand cream

5 things in my purse :
driver's license
credit card
bank card

favourite things in my favourite room (my living room):
my powerbook
my stereo
my red couch
my coffee table that doubles as leg rest
my flowers in the vase

things I would like/love to do :
ski in Japan
Christmas in Fiji
massage every 5 days
be punctual
attend Bikram yoga religiously

5 things I’m currently doing :
listening to classical music
contemplating if I should have supper
drinking herbal tea

I'm tagging all bloggers who read my blog. For non-bloggers who are as bored as I am now, send them out in an email.

*** *** ***

Found a place in Carlton that sells fresh flowers for half of the price I was paying. They are looking good and it's these small little things in everyday life that put a smile on my face. Hope smiling and laughing too much won't bring those crow's feet to my life quicker than they should.

Making a trip to the cinema was all worth it for Ratatouille. It has became one of my favourite animated movie. It's about food, about friendship, about family, about love, about passion, about achieving your dreams, about cute little rats and nerdy chef-wannabe, it's about you going to watch it yourself. Pre-movie dinner at The Brasserie completed the fabulous gastronomic evening that we had.

I'll try to sleep again. Sweet dreams, peeps!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Believe

Cried all my way from the airport to home, I'm stupid in ways like these. Candyman was right, and I knew he was right, that this is not goodbye, this is just the beginning. A beginning that requires a lot of effort, trust, belief, discipline, confidence, honesty, persistence and most importantly, love. To make this already tough job harder - it takes two to tango, pffftt! Just why did I choose this path? I can't say no to my heart.

So I'm home alone in my apartment, unwilling to go to bed. Who's gonna hug me to sleep and keep me warm? Who's gonna tell me that there's no monster when I've nightmare? Whose alarm is gonna annoy the shit outta me when it rings at 7.30am? Who's gonna talk shit with me when I can't fall asleep? Who's gonna give me the biggest kiss before he goes to work and the biggest hug in the evening? Who's gonna play with me?

I can't stop whinging about how life is a bitch and how it is unfair and how karma is here chasing after me and how I think I'm crazy. I know I'll be fine when I wake up tomorrow. It's not the end but a beautiful beginning.

We'll be fine. 208.

Friday, September 14, 2007

At Almost 3am

As we were both deep in sleep in each other's arms, I got woken up by this wet patch on the sheets when my leg rolled over it. It was definitely quite a big patch of water and it was cold. I freaked and got up speaking in the calmest tone I managed to pull...

"baby, did you pee in bed?"
"no..." he murmured.
"why is the bed wet?" frowning I was.
"it's not, silly girl" while attempting to pull me back to his arms.
"no! Baby, did you have wet dreams?" this time I was staring at him in darkness.
"what? no!" his words were getting clearer after my voice got louder.

I turned on the lights that made the both of us squinted, while pulling the doona off him. He had no choice but to examine the wet spot with me while I couldn't stop myself from yellng...

"baby!!!! you peed in bed, you peed in bed!!!"

He frowned while muttering repeatedly... "baby, I didn't."

So we stared at the spot, touched it, smelled it, and true enough, it wasn't pee or the second assumption that I had made. It was strange and he was determined to find out what was that. The silly me started to think that my place was haunted again and for a second, I was too scared to go to the bathroom alone. After some further investigation by him, the answer was sweat.

"sweat??!! this much? this wet?" I was in disbelief although I had to believe.
"baby, what d'you think sweat is?"

Fine, fine, fine, went back to sleep as long as neither of us peed in bed. Later in the night only we realized, my poor Candyman was having a temperature. One moment he was freezing and felt like he was trapped in a 4degree room, the next moment he felt like he was burning and was breaking into sweat. And he was right, sweat was like water and his side of the bed was soaked. He told me in the morning that he couldn't believed I thought he peed in bed and that I was so certain. Then he said he won't pee in bed and since he was 4 months old, he knew how to make his way to the loo.

Bwahahahahaha... that cracked me up big time and had just made my Friday a pleasant one.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

it would still be a YES

Hello 99!

Things are getting better after letting them off my chest. Lots of tears but it also brings us more laughter from deep within after. Outcome is basically a positive one but to be honest with myself, I can forgive but I can't forget. Well, I guess I wouldn't give two f*cks if I don't have such strong feelings for this person. Things always work like a scale, lotsa hard work to balance it up.

When I looked into his eyes, I had the answer for everything, although he did break my heart. Sometimes I asked myself, what have I done to deserve a chance to meet this wonderful person? Then I realized it isn't a gift, it is my own karma comes biting on my back. God made me meet him, someone so right, someone that I truly want to be with yet I can't. I've always told myself and everyone around me that long distance relationships are crap and they can never ever work, and now I'm falling head over heels for someone 8 hours flight away, fanf*ckingtastic! Eat my own poisonous words. Serves me perfectly right.

For the past 6 months, I go a little crazy from time to time, because my heart and head couldn't agree with each other. One tells me that I should give it a go while the latter screamed "ridiculous" at me. So many drunken phone conversations with my ludicrous suggestions or confession of the heart across the globe. I started to think that maybe I should admit myself to the mental hospital.

This time when I see him again, when we get to spend hours and hours together, to go to bed and wake up to each other, I finally am able to sum all these up. I want this person to be in my life and I want it bad. I care for this person more than I should. My feelings for this person is so strong it scares the shit outta me. It's been a long time I allow my heart to feel and being the mummy of my heart, I sort of want to protect it from getting hurt.

Geez... only if I've not stepped into the farewell party by mistake, my life would probably be simpler. Yet when I slipped under the doona in the middle of the night and looked at this man who held my hands so tight and told me not to leave him in his sleep, I told myself - I'm glad that I've met you and if God turns back time, I'm crashing your farewell party one more time!

Monday, September 10, 2007

I Need a Miracle

You know how at many times, where you know something is true, but it really breaks your heart when you hear the words coming from the person that you really care about? On top of that, you have strong feelings for this person. Do you know how you thought you can cope with heartbreak and you think you're prepared for the worst but when it actually happens, you feel like you might not be able to pull yourself together ever again? Do you also know that disappointment can result in a lot of tears?

If it was other people, which I'm not sure I wish he is or not, I could've walked away without ever having to think. If we're both in the same place, I am sure none of these nonsense would happen. If I didn't have expectations, I won't get disappointments.

Sometimes I wished time would stop for the both of us, at the moment where I knew it was the purest, where I looked into the eyes and myself is the only thing I see, where I've no doubt about us. Unfortunately, I can't stop time and I can't change people. Then I wished I could turn back time, so I get to choose again.

I'm torn. Life's no doubt a bitch! But cheers to 70 hours anyway.

Last Request by Paolo Nutini
Slow down, lie down
Remember it's just you and me
Don't sell out, bow out
Remember how this used to be
I just want you to know something, is that alright?
Baby let's get closer, tonight

Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me, ohhh

I've found that I'm bound to wander down that long way road, ohhh
And I realise all about your lies,
But I'm no wiser than the fool that I was before.
I just want you to know something, is that alright?
Baby let's get closer, tonight.

Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me, ohhh

Baby, baby, baby
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me, ohhh

Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders
Lay down beside me
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere
But one last time let's go there
Lay down beside me, ohhh

ooohhhh wohhhhohhh, yeah
Lay down beside me
One last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Tasmania: Almost an Alcoholic (AA)

I nearly turned into an official alcoholic when I was in Tasmania.

The towns (note: not even a city) were so small and boring, I almost died of boredom. Everything shuts simultaneously as the sun says goodbye. Restaurant's kitchens aren't open after 9pm. There wasn't such thing as late dinner. Pubs were like old folks' home. Streets were dark and empty. We were the only two idiots searching for food and entertainment and Coles was the only place that had their lights on with people breathing in there, only before 12am.

Thanks to our brilliant ideas that took us to the vineyard on the first afternoon, we had heaps of wine in the car boot. On the first night, both of us drank in the room and Mozzie Jo suffered from mild hangover the following day. She was traumatized by any form of alcohol. That means for the remaining 4 nights, I had to drink alone by myself like the second biggest loser.

I finished a bottle of wine by myself every night because there weren't anything else for me to do in town. There were times where I yelled about how bored I was and nothing had changed, still bored. Aaarrrghhhh... if I stayed there for another 2 nights, I'd be a certified alcoholic who drinks alone every night. I finished a bottle of wine before heading for dinner and clubs on Saturday. I was on the verge *shrug*

Melbourne is holding me back to sanity. Thanks Melbourne, I love you!

Do I Look My Age?

I'm currently hooked on this track from a couple of years ago. Thanks to DJ Coming for giving me the CD so I can put it on repeat while driving. Repeat as in repeat for days and sometimes, weeks. So DJ Coming, get ready to burn me another copy as the one you gave me isn't of the best, must be us passing around without cover.

As I was chatting with Jie Shian on MSN, we came to this topic of looking older or younger than your actual age. She was telling me her new boss is highly intelligent with an impressive credential. So I asked if he's hot (like I normally do with every Tom, Dick and Harry). Her answer was negative and she added that he looks like a 46 when he's only 36.

Well, he's smart, uses his brain a lot, works hard and that's probably how he had gotten that 10 years extra on his face, and probably his body. So I said, since I'm a bimbo, don't work hard enough and don't use my brain whenever possible, I'm pretty confident that when I'm 46, I'll look 36. Does it make sense to you?

Then again, looking at the rate I'm going in terms of drinking, partying and staying up till the sunrise, I could be looking like a 46 by 36. If my theory is right, do the math buy adding ten and abstracting ten, I should look 36 when I'm 36, right? Well, if things doesn't work as direct and simple as mathematics, that I won't look younger being a bimbo, that my lifestyle is killing my youthfulness, then I'm in trouble.

Trouble is that I can't decide, whether to enjoy my life and live for today, or preserve myself for the future. Who says I've no stress?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Good & Bad News

Recently, I've got some cracking good news. Well, it's good news for me, I am not sure about others. I would love to tell the entire world about it but I've learnt that I should only announce the news when all things are 99% confirmed. I can blame that 1% on 'everything is possible' and 'shits happen'. One of the many things that's gonna happen subsequent to this good news - I can get rid of my study table and replace by a new, huge book shelf. Go figure!

Time for bad news - I failed a paper. I didn't hide at the corner to cry as I was pretty much prepared. I was contemplating if I should blog about it and yes, here I am, spilling the truth. The assignment was the one that had gone with my hard drive. I admit that I didn't put much effort in doing it the second time. I was quite embarrassed for myself to have failed a paper after 26 years. Bad luck + own irresponsibility + carelessness - I just have to deal with it. I was upset but what can I do? Talking about it now still upsets me. Let's talk about something else.

So I went for medical check-up today to extend my visa. One of the questions that they asked was Do you consume alcohol? If yes, how much? I said Yes. Socially. That officer insisted that I give her exact quantity I consume per week. For a great 2 seconds, I was shamefully speechless. I thought I shouldn't tell the truth, or perhaps, I didn't know the truth because I don't count and I lose count. So I lied and told her erm... maybe 3 on Friday and 3 on Saturday. I just hope the alcohol from Saturday night is out of my system.

I'm in dire need of self-discipline and quality 12-hour sleep. I'm turning into a bad skin panda with work piling up. The pillow that I couldn't sleep without is getting flat, need a new one but I'm too lazy to hunt one down. Maybe, next week.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Almost Here

Uncertainty definitely isn't my cup of tea.

I was once told by a good friend that uncertainties can be very exciting, you aren't quite sure of the answer and you get the thrill from all these guessing games. I'm an old fart who can't be f*cked with all these crap, I loathe guessing and I hate disappointments. I'm a person who needs to know what's going on, what you're thinking and what is going to happen. I would say I'm not much of a planner but when it involves more than myself, I need to know at least what are the options.

I did ask myself if I'll be upset if things don't turn out to be how I want it to be. Maybe a little but I need to prepare myself at least. Honestly, I am even afraid for time to arrive because I am an idi*t when it comes to dealing with my own feelings. It's a coin toss chance for things to fall in perfect place. I have this vision of what's going to happen but at the same time, I don't even dare to think about these plans. I'm afraid I might have been living in solipsism.

Time dashes pass quicker than I'm prepared for. There were times when I wished it goes by quicker and there are now times where I wish I could turn back time. I also wish candy will always be sweet and the answer would be promisingly happy.

I'm Still Around

I shamelessly confess that I'm addicted to Facebook and it is ruining my life. I'm losing time in studies, work, blogging and sleeping. Alright, I exaggerated a little but it isn't far from the truth. So people were asking me where have I been, that I haven't been blogging. I'm right here, there's no where for me to go, yet!

Life after the snow trip is a chaos. Consequence of being on holiday, almost every two months. So much to accomplish, so little time. And of course, Facebooking didn't make things any better but it does help to keep me entertained when I have no money to get out of the apartment. Oh yeah, I am also badly broke.

On top of being broke, I am trying to save up for a snow trip in Hakuba, Japan in March with the crew. I am seriously hooked to the snow, the slopes, the cold, the chairlift, the skis, the gang and the holiday. I want to go and I want to go bad. Unfortunately, accident happened and I bought a sweater dress, a pair of shoes, a cardigan and a top, all within a week. Well, I did think of returning them because they come up to about 25% of my Melb-Tokyo air ticket but...

I really like them. Anyway, too late now, I've worn almost every piece of them. What I can do now is to eat in more and stop stepping foot in to shops, which is impossible because work requires me to be in them all the time. Aarrrggghhh... saving takes so much effort. I think it could be easier for me to just stay sober in clubs and stare on the floor because that's the place where people usually drop their cash. Yet staying sober is another near impossible state.
So nothing much had happened since I returned from Queenstown except that I've been out drinking quite a bit. Last Friday was mad-arse. I went all out, thinking that I wasn't in Melbourne for 3 weekends and like I promised myself, I went all out! Started drinking on empty stomach at 5pm with Violet and Michele over dinner before rocking up to our Post-Powdered Party at Element Lounge unfashionably late. Nothing much happened at Element except that some people got me tequila worm shot, absinthe, Jaegar bombs, wine, scotch, vodka and more that I can't remember. Everything just went downhill for me after.Rocked up to Watermark and couldn't remember how I made my way there the next day. Hogged the seat next to DJ Coming for the whole period of time that I was in the club. Almost got into a fight with some white chick because she attempted to dance on the speaker that I was sitting on and I didn't like people dancing at where I was sitting. Was fed with more identified drinks and was camwhoring. Highlight was of course the hangover from hell the following day that put in me so much pain, I could only get out of bed at 8.30pm.I've to get back to work and Facebook although I would love to share with you what had happened at the Merdeka party at Damian's. Maybe next time.