Wednesday, August 27, 2008

man, I really can sleep

Air Asia is amazing! I got my KL-Melb-KL-Melb (three ways) tickets for less than RM1900. Now they are giving out free tickets and Melbourne is on the list. My darling Eleana is visiting in June and Likai is coming again in July, woot! My darling will be around for Queen's Birthday, that means I'm taking her to the rave. Oh my god, I just cannot wait! Meanwhile, Adrian is in town and we might miss each other. I'm feeling so lazy I just wanna stay in and I'll be in the snow early Thursday so...

Last weekend was mad arse (again). I was sick but I had to go snow gear shopping with TY before attending Small A's birthday dinner in Prahran. I was tipsy before dinner from merely half a bottle of Sav Blanc at home. I get drunk very easily when I'm sick, hungry and tired. By time we finished dinner and got to Watermark, I was already happy drunk. Nothing dramatic this time, no falling over but one of the DJs, I don't wanna name name here wanted a quickie with me in his car, pffftt! I'm not kidding. For your information, he has a girlfriend that he claims to be very much in love with on his Facebook yet he has the guts to ask me to do that with him. Do all men have problem keeping their members in their pants?

Later that night, we ended up at Pat's for supper and cards. That's when I lost my voice totally. TY was elated because she said I can finally stop talking and not give her a headache, oh well... I survived Saturday with a massive hangover and a chockablock schedule starting from 10.30am. So I decided to keep drinking to stop my hangover. That always works but not before 2am, imagine how much pain I had to sit through that night?

Came Sunday and it was the most painful day because I was sick like a dog. My head was so congested with that throbbing headache. I slept for more than 21 hours that day until Monday morning. I don't believe in medication as many of you know so herbal tea, supplements, heaps of water and rest were my only path to recovery and I'm all well now. In fact, I had a big night yesterday with more than 20 shots of wet pussies/ski buddies on top of beer, wine and vodka. Don't even ask what I did after all those drinks, just too funny but for the record, I did not drive.

A good friend from KL, Mandy, was telling me she has been reading my blog. She's a little concern and wanted me to take care of myself. Before our chat ended, she said "have a good Friday and relaxing weekend". All right, my weekend was no where near relaxing.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

you ain't Carrie or Meredith

What has modern television done to my fellow girl friends?

I've some girl friends around me who are so absorbed with their favourite TV series they related themselves (and sometimes their men) to the characters of these shows. Some imitate these characters and some believed they'll live the life of these fictional superstars. Let's stick with the screen names now.

Carrie has been seeing Big for more than a year now. Carrie is obsessively, deeply in love with Big. Big can be such a sweetheart to Carrie but a bastard at the same time. He would wine her, dine her, cook for her, take her to places but go missing on her for days before he resurface from the poison sea. Big refused to be in a relationship with Carrie, after countless attempts from the lady to secure a relationship. However, Carrie believes, like in the movie, Big will finally realizes that 'she's the one' after six years and will finally marries her ten years down the road.

Meredith comes from a broken family with quite f*cked up parents. She thought life would be sweeter when Derek waltzes into her life but no - he has a wife who he decided to pick over Meredith. Meredith is still hung up on Derek for the longest time and slept with several people who she shouldn't have for comfort. It came to a point where she made a decision to be a celibate and came up with her own period of celibacy. During that period, she met the sexy Finn, who she made him wait before they can have sex. The story goes on but my point is - people who constantly needs to come out with these resolution/plan are losers who have problem ironing their life. And I'm not saying that I'm superior, I'm a loser at many times - I have my resolutions, plans and restriction on myself too, which I failed mostly.

So Carrie and Meredith really do exist in my life. They think they are Carrie and Meredith and they probably idolize them or at least think they've similarity. Anyway, before I start rambling away, my point of this entry is...

I despise Big! Not the television character but my real life girl friend's Big. I regret bringing Big into Carrie's life. I don't think Carrie deserves to be treated this way - she deserves to be in a relationship with someone who cares enough to be in one with her. Do you really think Big will change with time? Is it worth the wait? I personally don't think so. She says she knows she shouldn't be wasting anymore time on him but her action shows otherwise. As her good friend, I've given my advice but if she persists on chasing, all I can do is to listen, wish her good luck and be her safety net for her to fall back. Sigh... this girl is tough let me tell you, she falls and she climbs onto the same path almost immediately.

Big has lost all his respect from me. I hate liars and I cannot stand people who are pretentious and let me tell you - he is freaking pretentious. No doubt he's always nice to people around him including myself but he can go get f*cked and be another Jesus. It annoys me when he tries so hard to be nice to everyone. Okay, to be fair, he can be really nice and helpful to others, almost everyone except for Carrie. That one thing that he did to her is enough to get him in my bad book. On one hand, I wish that he'll soon cave and give relationship a go to end Carrie's misery; on the other hand, I wish she'll wake up one day and sees the light, understanding that he's no good for herl, that she shall stop wasting her time and put herself out there to find true love.

Pffftt! I've fallen sick with a fever and sore throat. Maybe that's why I'm angry and emotional but seriously, I really think my friends should stop thinking that they can live the life of the silver screen stars. Watch them, get addicted like myself and live your own life. Walk out of it, or like I always believe, RUN! Oh well, that's my two cents worth. This is probably meaningless to many of you and I shall just jump in bed and sleep the fever off.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

blackout and shivering

I think the doctor thought I was abused. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. I went for pre-permanent residency application health check and I had to stripped down to my bra and g-string. The doctor saw my many bruises including the left knee one that looks worse than yesterday now. She asked me what happened, I said I fell on the street while running to my car under the rain. She gave me a look and asked me other questions that got me paranoid. How embarrassing?!

As much as I'm elated that I'm bleeding, that has caused me to have to make another trip back to the health service centre. I need to retake my urine test because I'm having my menses. That means my results would be delayed another 10 days too, great! Just what a last minute person like me needs.

In fact, my appointment was supposed to be on last Wednesday but something bad happened. I couldn't believe how unlucky things can strike me at my most desperate times. My appointment was at quarter to nine, I got up at half past seven. Came out of shower drying myself and... pop! Black out. Entire building. No heater. No lights. No hot drinks to warm myself up. Obviously I couldn't take the elevator to the car park. There's the staircase but... what if I can't beep myself out with my security key (I wasn't sure if it's electrical), I'll be stuck in that staircase right? Right, if I'm lucky enough to get to my car park, how can I get my car out of the garage - electrical door, yes!

I looked at my receipt, it says I can't change my appointment with less than 24 hours notice or money will be forfeited ($270 okay?). I can't find my building manger's mobile because I've changed a new phone and was telling myself if I need him, his number's always in the lift. I couldn't get on the Internet because I just remembered I need the power for the modem. I couldn't decide if I should call the Neighbour although I fully understood that he's no superman and he cannot carry me and fly me out of here. And for those of you who know where I live, you know my apartment isn't some falling apart old shitty place, pffftt! So I was calling June to swear my lungs out, venting my rage on how this can happen to me, that I was naked, wet and cold and I've been living here for almost four years this had never happened, blah blah blah...

I had no choice but to call HSA, I explained to the phone operator my situation and she rescheduled my appointment for me for free. What a relieve. And as soon as I've done that, the power came back. So much for getting up early but my day didn't go to waste. Had a great day with the visitor, piled on a few kilos from eating and took lotsa photos playing tourists.

So that's my story. By the way, my detox program is going down the drain in 30 minutes' time. It's a friend's belated birthday dinner and I cannot have good food without good wines to go with and since I'm gonna do it, I shall do it right. Pre-dinner drinks and cheese in 30 mins, woot!

Monday, August 18, 2008

that's my bruised left knee

This is one of the many bruises I've gotten myself on Saturday night. Trust me, they hurt bad especially those two on my elbows. Couldn't even rest my arms on the table last night when playing cards. I was warned by Violet to stop doing stupid things to myself when I'm drunk, one fine day I'll injure myself bad. She's right. So I shall stop drinking and head home after the 15th drink mark, and stay away from my fellow alcoholic friends. Alright, I know that'll take some time before it happens so to set a more achievable goal, I'll let my liver rest from today till Thursday 5pm.

On another note, I realized I'm not very much of a baby-person besides for my own niece. Mira and Frank brought little Lawrence to Milyn's dinner and most of the night, every one was ooohhh-ing and aaahhh-ing over the baby and was fighting for his attention... except for me! I was more interested in my food, wines and cocktails. I told Jev and Rika, "I think I'm not very much into babies, I have no slightest interest." Jev said, "yeah, that's pretty obvious, we all noticed." Damn... Speaking of baby, the one and only that I'm keen on, is getting cuter and cuter. Saw her photos on my sis-in-law's FB, she had her first bikini and you know what her family (my family indeed) did? They had the blowup swimming pool IN OUR KITCHEN! WTF right? I guess I know what they were thinking - the little angel might catch a cold in the garden. Fine, that's my family for you. Moving along, I'm really happy that I finally got my period. Well, really happy is an understatement. Don't even think of anything maternity, absolutely nothing to do with that. I was just very sick and tired of my PMS. I had really bad skin, felt extremely bloated and looked three months pregnant (TY said that, really). Seriously, you know you've true friends who love and care about you when they can tell you the truth at any time, instead of some "no, you look fine, you look great bullshit". And I was eating like an eating machine *roll eyes* June and Likai witnessed my bottomless stomach eating behaviour on Wednesday. Every two hours or less I'll be stuffing my face and we're talking about real food, not chips or snacks and you know what was worse? I knew I had eaten enough after each meal yet I didn't feel full! Not until our very last meal at Little Lamb's all-you-can-eat szechuan hotpot. So yes, yes and yes, I'm bleeding and have lost 50% of my appetite. My skin shall get back to normal by tomorrow's evening.

I'm very tempted to pop open a bottle of my favourite Innocent Bystander's Moscato to celebrate...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

diary of an alcoholic

I got drunk last night. No shit, that's something new.

Excuse me but we started drinking since 11-ish in the morning. The royal we, namely Likai, Des and myself. We went to the wineries in Yarra Valley for lunch, some wine tasting and of course to replenish our supplies at home. Des and I got too excited and we ended up spending too much and came home with a car boot full of wines. I told myself it wouldn't be a waste of money spending on anything that you can eat and drink, especially good wines. June was the best winery tour designated driver on earth - absolute self-control and responsible. I don't think we would've enjoyed ourselves so much and went all out without her.Anyway, back to my drunk story. Yesterday was also Milyn's belated birthday celebration at Comme. I tried my best getting myself dolled up for the dinner after the wineries. I swear I was feeling woozy when I was applying my make-up but I assumed I look okay because no one said anything about my face last night, or maybe it was just too dark. I got to Comme and I resumed drinking once I sat down. We had a lot to drink, reds, whites and cocktails. Fast forward a couple of hours, we were having cocktails at Society. We were getting pretty messy-drunk at the bar, I tripped once when I was going down the steps to the bathroom. Surprise, surprise - I remember most of the night!

God knows what happened, we ended up at Boulevard. That's when my drama happened. I was so drunk that I didn't realize I was in a club for some reason. At one point I put my head down, closed my eyes and let myself fall. I fell of course, badly on the floor. Don't ask me why I did that, I just wanted it to happen and yes, it's f*cking stupid. I was in so much pain I started crying like a kid. In my head I wanted to go home to Daddy but obviously there's no more Daddy for me, then I got even more emotional, cried even harder, yada, yada, yada... I came home with mascara run and a very badly bruised left knee and elbows. So painful that I got woken up several times. Sigh... feel so bad for creating such ridiculous drama and everyone had to leave the club early cause I wanted to go home.

So I woke up this morning, discovering more injuries than last night. Feeling rather tired from the bad sleep - passed out from intoxication rather than deep sleep. Once again, I'm very surprised yet delighted that I wasn't hungover. When I get one, they're usually very bad so I solemnly wish that I can stay away from any. You probably would tell me not to drink so much to avoid hangovers. I believe the only way to avoid hangovers is to stay drunk.

Cheers folks!

Monday, August 11, 2008

dim sims or bad coffee no more

I love dim sims despite they're made from some not very healthy offal. Although I don't take any offal, but dim sims just taste so good, especially the South Melbourne market ones. Some say they are too salty, I say they are absolutely delicious. I had four to myself on the way to Bright on Friday evening when none of the others in the car was interested. Had more dim sims at lunch on both Saturday and Sunday, and got myself more in Myrtleford while driving us back. I had about 10 dim sims in 48 hours, gross! So I've to get off it for some time, it's unhealthy and it's... just gross! Perhaps dim sims can be my ski-food - I have them only when I'm on ski trips. Or maybe I can have a few when I see shops that sells the South Melbourne ones. Or when I walk past any hot food shops and feel like one.

Bad coffee is another thing that I absolutely loathe. I was stuck with bad coffee on the weekend in the country and up the snow. Sigh... it's really sad when you're given one that burns your tongue, too bitter or too milky when you're dying for one. It got worst at Snake Gully Hut where they don't do soy or skinny. Fine, but give me one that taste like coffee and not milk. Anyway, I need to be coffee-free for at least a week. I suspect I sort of 'need' it now, instead of 'want' it. I'm not a morning person, never have been. I get especially snappy and cranky these days without caffeine in the morning, not good at all. I don't like substances to take control of my body. I have them because I can, not because I need.

Staying in for once, after many many evening outs. Being home having dinner in front of the TV was a total bliss. I said no to after work drinks with Keat, and said no to Pat/Violet for dinner. I'm just having one of those mood swings that comes and goes without a reason. Not upset with anyone in particular, I just wanna be by myself, not having to speak with anyone. Eat in my PJs and not having to bother if my hair looks nice. I've been wanting to stay home for a long time, just since when staying at home is a plan while going out has become a regimen? I wanted to whip something up in the kitchen but realized I've nothing in the freezer except for chicken drumstick and carcass for making soup. I had takeaway from Dainty's instead. Ordered enough to feed four but I couldn't miss on any of my favourite dishes. So I've got eight boxes of food sitting in my fridge while I've dinner plans up until Monday.

I am also thinking of popping a bottle of vino that I've gotten from the Gapsted winery yesterday on our way back to Melbourne. I don't drink by myself at home, that's my house rule but I'm really excited about the 2006 Petit Manseng *slurp* Probably not a good idea knowing that I've to be up by half past 7 tomorrow. I'm still thinking, thinking, thinking...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

I've lost it

I don't know whether it's the weather, or like he said, I've been going through a lot of emotional stress from 'the fine' that I've gotten last Monday - I'm feeling constantly tired. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, how am I gonna get around? How much money am I willing to spend on cab? How long can I sustain this Monday to Thursday just do it in the day shit? I hate it when it's inconvenient. I like convenience, it's not the best thing for one to progress but convenience has been working well for me.

Finally got myself to look for jobs online today. That's this whole galore of jobs out there, mostly managerial roles that I can't handle. Then there are these beginner roles with job descriptions that I can't seem to fit. So I was speaking with friends and realized they all felt the same when they first started. So I shall just worry if I can perform only after they hire me.

I've been on holiday for six weeks now, I feel like I can't breathe. No, I'm not talking about asthma attack or anything bronchial. I have all these friends to see, and places to be and sometimes I feel like I've not seen my friends for a long time. Like I've not seen Violet for more than a week and I've not seen Diana for a long time. Every evening when Curry Jo calls, I'll be out and busy. Every time when I find time to call mum, it's either too late, or it's dinner time for her. I've not spoken to Eleana since I came back, no chance at all.

Speaking of productivity, I've helped achieved something really important last week - being with Sasha while picking 'the' dress. Yes, yes, yes, my crazy bitch is engaged! Venue is booked and she had picked 'the' dress. She looked absolutely stunning in that dress. We knew it was the one when she stepped out of the changing room. It gives you the 'wow' effect. I can imagine she'll look even more beautiful when the real dress comes in in six months' time because it'll be tailored to her size. Now that the globe is spinning quicker and the sun rises and sets faster than last decade, that day will arrive in no time.

Jo has left Melbourne for indefinitely. Apparently I was so sloshed on Friday night, I was saying things like "I love you, you're my truest friend, can't believe you're leaving, we've a past together, I love you..." in the car. I don't remember but I'm not at all surprise I said that. I love Jo and she really is my true friend and yes, we've a past together and we got through it together. We're also graduating together. I was very busy before she left, I hardly had time for her, I feel like I'm the worst friend ever. Somehow we got to party a couple of times, and we had dinner on the night before she left. I'll see her in Singapore very soon. Globe is spinning in full speed!

I remember Adrian is coming to visit this month but I don't remember the date. Why do people like to visit Melbourne so much? Because it's 'cheap'? Or because there's 'so much' to see here? Alright, I'm starting to sound like I'm complaining. No, I'm happy for all of you guys to visit but I just can't understand. It seems like we ( either myself or my friends) get visitor every month, if not every two weeks. Especially Jevon, his friends are always visiting from Singapore. Now Likai is in town, then Adrian, then mum, and who else? Not to forget Pat's friends, TY's friends. Is Melbourne really that exciting? Don't get me wrong, I love it here. Okay, enough of that before my friends start changing their mind on visiting.

On another note, I've washed, dried and put on my new sheets. 500 egytian, absolutely divine. I love my sheets to be white or red (or family of red). Red is my favourite colour, it's uplifting, it matches my couch, my DVD boxes, my teapot, my new pots and pans, my car and at most times, my nails. White is refreshing, it's clean, pure, it's inviting and calming. White is on now although it's a little too summery for this rainy dark winter. I've something about buying sheets yet I've problem with getting rid of them. I don't use a lot of the old ones now but they are good stuff. I'm a hogger when it comes to sheets but I'm fine with selling my clothes. I don't understand myself sometimes.

Enough of rambling, going to watch some DVD and sleep since I can't get a massage at this time of the night. Strangely, I feel like getting one.

what if I was wrong?

I'm a person who's constantly need to be in the know. I believe knowing is better than wondering although one might say "just how sure are you of what you know is the truth?". Well, the truth is your perception of a fraction of reality that you choose to believe, I guess. At least I've known of someone, or maybe a couple of them, who is lost in their own truth because lying is part of their reality of life. I don't know if that's normal but I feel sorry for them, that makes one feeling constantly confused. 

The little me in this big world gets confused from time to time too, because some people can be really deceitful. There are also times where I judge too quickly missing the opportunity of getting to know a person sans skepticism. You put them into categories and draw your line making sure you don't allow them to cross it, all in the name we called rule of the game. But I call it self-protection. And these are the times that make me wonder - did I judge too quickly? Is it too late to reverse the situation?

So knowing is better than wondering. When I say knowing, I don't mean finding out the truth but getting rid of the 'perhaps'. Knowing that I can, that I'm capable, that I can achieve. Like a wise friend said to me before... it's better to do it and regret, than to regret not doing it.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Likai's in Melbourne!

Likai and I had four bottles of wine last night. We weren't that drunk to be honest. We were pretty tipsy after the two bottles of white before dinner. We were surprisingly okay after another two bottles of red at my place. Our promise of stopping after one was broken. The Chamber Rosewood red was divine. Candyman got it for me and I've never heard of this name before. Maybe you don't get drunk so easily on good wine?

We woke up feeling tired and sluggish. Took her to Footscray for some authentic Vietnamese pho before heading north to DFO Essendon. We were 'sort of' hungover - I wasn't sure if I was caffeine-deprived or it was the after effect of last night's alcohol but coffee definitely saved us. Both of us were chatty again once the caffeine kicked in.

I spent too much again but I excuse myself because I mainly spent on home wares. Got some tumblers and wine glasses to replenish those that I've broken when I was drunk. Got new sheets again and some baby clothes for my daughter niece. I really need to stay in to not spending money and one thing that I HAVE to achieve before Hotham this weekend - register myself with all job site!

Monday, August 04, 2008

let's get another drink?

So some of my friends were saying at our age, opss... more like at their age, we should be slowing down when it comes to drinking, partying, getting drunk or falling all over the place. Looks like it's the other way round for us. I don't believe in that anyway. Keat says it's time for her to slow down yet she's behaving otherwise. We were telling her to go volunteer in some third world countries, she said she's not interested. So Violet asked her what she's interested in? "Home session" was her answer, -_-"

It was Beckie's belated birthday dinner and 'let's get retarded' party on Friday but all of us thought it was our birthday. So we ate like it was our birthday, drank like it was our birthday and fell like it was our birthday. Ally and I did anyway, cool stuff.

We handled the sake and wine at dinner well. We were chasing for more alcohol at Watermark at first. What happened later was a blur, or cannot be recalled. I knew I was talking to ah-neh Turkish DJ. I knew all my friends were with me. I knew I had cognac, whisky, vodka, Jaegar bombs, and more unidentified alcohol. I knew I danced all night. I knew we took photos. I knew we were texting each other. Then I don't remember how we adjourned to Seven. I don't remember what I drank there, and I don't remember what games we were playing with Ben. But I remember he pushed us gently, Ally and I fell hard on the dance floor. We thought it was very funny, really. So she hurt her ankle, I hurt my knee, same spot as my ski injury.

Came home at 7-ish in the morning after a nap at Ben's. We could've partied on I believe. Ally said she couldn't remember anything about the fall. "No more alcohol" was what she said but that's what we say on most weekend, don't we? Beckie was worse, she couldn't remember going to Seven, her memory was Lavish striaght to Ben's. Absinthe does that to me!

The alcoholic in me didn't get put off by alcohol though. So I went for round two on Saturday night. This time the mix was wine, vodka, soju, korean choya and don't-remember-what-else-I-put-in-my-mouth-anymore. I reckoned I drank almost 1.5 bottles of soju cause I was late and everyone else was drunk, they didn't wanna drink and I was eager to get drunk, hurhurhur... I don't remember how I ended up saying yes to Boulevard. I don't know how Becks ended up getting me from the city and I was making a big fuss on how she had to get me right from the doorstep. I don't remember what I did in the club at all, or what I've drank. But I remember not able to get a taxi, and I got lost in Crown, and I ended up at the Promenade, and found a taxi on the street. I also know that this morning when I got up to pee, my head was still spinning.

So I've been going back to my two-nights-straight partying shit. Why not? It's always good fun. Who knows when my friends wanna 'slow down' and stop getting retarded with me.