Saturday, April 09, 2011

another fail relationship

Sometimes we don’t learn until we get burnt.

I am always like that. Saying yes, yes and yes to advice of wisdom but never actually practise. And then I get myself into trouble. Just how many times have my mummy told me not to do this, this and that. Yet I just had to do it.

So I’m in debts, to the bank. And trust me when I say 70% of them weren’t on shopping. Forget about “what did I spend on”, I am just in debts. And I just realized how freaking crazy it would be if I don’t clear it soon. Thanks to the much-needed talk with a few good friends, I’m now getting on my feet and wanting to straighten things. First step, I’m taking a temporary break with my Visa. We had a bitter-sweet relationship. You made me happy and now that we’re separated, I still don’t hate you. In fact, my love for you had never changed but this unrewarding love is taking me down a dangerous path. So I cut Visa up - out of sight, out of mind. When we meet again, I'll love you much less.

And then I’ve confessed to my other good friends, admitting my problem. I weakly needed more support from them and I was right, they were anything but supportive. WDAR and Easy Mama suggested to me to return all money to the bank upfront with their money to save on interest, then I'll return their money slowly. And I suggested to pay them interest in return, at an agreed rate, that’ll definitely save me heaps compared to the bank’s.

I’m so touched by all my friends gesture. Kind words, motivational talk, sincere offers of help and genuine understanding. Once again, I’m so grateful for what I have in my life. Without you, I would’ve broken down and cry. At the same time, because I trust you as a good friend, I’ve opened myself up to you. I don’t care if you judge, laugh, roll your eyes or you think this is what I’ve to go through to learn, I am determined to get my finances right!

After I clear my debts, I’ll start my base-building, as spoken about by Lili!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Chen Wei Zheng

He was one year my senior in the class right across from mine. I don't remember the first time we spoke but I remembered him telling me he fell in love with me from a paper cutout on his class's wall. An article of mine was published in the local paper, with a photo of mine attached. Their class teacher got it posted on their wall. He said he liked my smile in the photo, and liked me even more after seeing me in person

We became friends and we were on the phone a lot. I didn't like him that way, nothing like that. He was 12 at that time, a kid literally. So was I. Never once crossed my mind that a boy and a girl that age could like each other more than just friends. I remembered him cycling to my house with his parent's mobile phone, ringing me at home to chat.

God knows what happened to me with gold fish memory, all these just came right back into my head this afternoon. Nineteen years ago yet so blardy clear. I wonder where and how is he now. To be honest, I have very vague memory of his face. In hindsight, he was such a sweetheart. Oh well, one must be damn genuine when you're merely 12.

So I was trying to get more information from Always Skinny but she turned out not to remember much, for once! I swear I would've texted Hitam Manis if she isn't holidaying in New Zealand currently. So there I go, went through about 500 out of 3500 people who "like" my school on Facebook. Ridiculous I know. Would be very lovely to see him again.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

I remembered there are more...

Thank you God for giving me such kind friends, and thank you my friends for constantly looking out for me. There is no word to express how grateful and relieved I am to have such wonderful people in my life.

Besides my wonderful family, who loves me unconditionally, whether by choice or not, I’m very blessed to have amazing friends in my life. They’ve been with me through thick and thin, laughed at my lame jokes, provided help when I was in need and protection when I fell.

I remembered a year when I wanted to be back in Melbourne for Summadayze during my summer break - my friends established the Foundation for LL’s Summadayze. I bought the air ticket and had a fabulous time at Summadayze. I returned their money eventually but I wouldn’t have made it back without their generosity to begin with. One of them paid for half of the ticket and refused to take my money.

I remembered a friend took us to Brisbane and Gold Coast with her frequent flyer points. We had a wonderful time despite the lack of sun and a little bit of hangover here and there. I am still reminiscing.

I remembered I was moving home and it took me forever to finish packing up the kitchen and bathroom. A friend came over after dinner and packed my life away on my behalf, all in fifteen minutes. And got me moving, moving. Pun intended.

I remembered how my mum wouldn’t let me drive to go out at night back home. Somehow my friends would always offer to come and get me and drive me home safely after. We partied like rockstars everytime and the fact that I live so damn far away isn’t an issue anymore.

I remembered a friend wanted me to be at her wedding, and I wanted to be at the wedding too of course. One day, I received an e-ticket in my mailbox. I got myself a new dress and attended the memorable wedding which I would never ever wanted to miss. Spending that extra money on top of your luxurious wedding was very very much appreciated.

I remembered another friend knew I was struggling with rent, bills and everything money-related yet I’ve committed to attend someone’s wedding in Seoul. This friend booked me a return air-ticket to Seoul using her frequent flyer points, and up until today, still not taking the money that I offered to pay her.

I remembered the break-ups and heart-breaks I had gone through. There were friends come knocking on my door with food in hand, cheering me up and making me eat. And there are friends who had to deal with my constant phone calls, crying and ranting over the same bullshit. Man... I was a nightmare!

I remembered there was a time where I missed my budget flight back to Melbourne because I was severely hungover. I was shitting myself because back then, I was still spending mummy’s money but a friend bought me a new one-way ticket to go home. Not only I stayed out of trouble with mum, I got to spend more time with family and friends in KL too.

I remembered just too many times I was so broke I didn’t even have enough money to eat or to pay bills. These friends are always lending me money, I returned, and borrowed again. They’ve been so patient with me, I just don’t know what to say besides promising myself that this year, I’m gonna get my money right. Spend within my limit and clear my debts!

I remembered my bestie bought me a ticket to go on holiday with her for my birthday. She said that way we both could have a good time, and explore different part of Australia together. It was way better than buying me another gift that I probably don’t need. Absolutely right and those Tasmanian experience will never be forgotten.

I remembered friends who really do not mind taking me out, buying me drinks/meal because they really want us to spend time together. At many times I would say no because I really do feel like a free-loader. But I’ve learnt that this is what we do for friends. I’d have done the same for others when they are in need.

I also remembered there was once I bought a whole chicken home and I got a panic-attacked after unwrapping it. I couldn’t deal with a dead animal in whole. I hyper-ventilated, rang a friend frantically and she turned up a few hours later to my rescue. She chopped the damn chicken up for me.

So I am thinking, putting the under-payed job, constantly broke, can’t even afford my own home yet and the occasionally bad days aside, I’m actually living a really good life. I just have to say that I’m a very lucky person who has great family and friends and I know money can’t buy them!

frozen memory

Unfortunately there are some memories that cannot be erased. The pain is just as palpable as when it first hit us. Curry asked me the other day if I am okay, and she is gonna be all ears if I'm ready to speak about it. Really, what is there to speak about? It's so over.

Can't sleep from blocked nose, just hope tomorrow won't come so quickly for me...