Sunday, June 29, 2008

Being sane isn't the sanest thing, try your very best to believe this. I was sane before I went insane. I despised myself - that's why I cried, that's why the tears paraded themselves, that's why the girls chose to be by my side but you know what - ?

I've got a brilliant mind (proud enough to say this) that is absolutely f*cked (for the sake of blog integrity, I cannot lie!). I am embarrassed about myself, I don't wanna talk about it, and for you people who are laughing out there, or those who are secretly popping a bubbly out  there, it's unfortunate but I'm attempting to jump over it, so don't expect too much from me or I probably could be a downer.

Someone's acting's very convincing...

Friday, June 20, 2008

Just finished packing. Was going through some of Dad's old stuff and found a stack of cards in a folder hidden in one of his briefcase. They were cards that I drew when I was as young as five/six years old. You know how kindergarten teacher made you drew cards for your parents during Father's/Mother's Day? Those were the ones. He's been keeping them all these years. I miss Him badly, the pain is back again, as severe as it was six months ago. I know He's watching me right now, wanting me to smile again but...

Last year's Father's Day, Candyman delivered a bottle of wine to Him on my behalf while I was happily spending His money in Tassie. This year I visited Him at the cemetery. He was smiling at me. I brought no gift but I thought being home with everyone was the best gift. 

It's really not easy.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

tell me you don't wanna kiss her...

"Are you coming out later?"
"Nah, I'm not..."
"What? Why?!?"
"I'm lazy."
"Lazy? Come on..."
"I'm not coming out, you guys have fun!"

Some things have changed. Hanging out at home doing nothing is bliss. I'd rather have my long bubble bath, face mask and watch some bad TV after dinner and chatting with the women at home. I'm constantly tired even I've sleeping enough. Perhaps I've gotten glandular fever from someone, pfftt! I'm rather grumpy today, so was my little angel at home - the 'chi' wasn't right. Isn't she adorable?

Monday, June 16, 2008

...and shopping was mad-arse

although there was no sale and I am not patient enough for the Singapore sale. I believe sizes and preferred colours would be out during sale anyway (my all time excuse to avoid the crowd). Shopping was double the fun after not doing it in Melbourne in the past four months. I needed work clothes but I've also bought a fair bit of casual clothes. Oh well, I bought more casual ones to be honest. I'm taking a whole new suitcase of clothes and shoes with me.

Caught up with many friends on the weekend and it was fabulous. The drinking and BIG supper on both nights had seriously contributed to my extra body weight but there's no way I'll give these up on my only weekend in KL. I'm actually thinking of extending my stay in Asia but I've not checked how much extra I've to pay. Eleana said she will pay for me as long as I stay but... Why can't I jump on the plane like scheduled for once?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

traffic's been good

I know this might sound bimbo or selfish but I'm happy about the petrol price. At least traffic is smooth at peak hours, I'm not kidding. I was in town yesterday to get a haircut and to shop, traffic was surprisingly pleasant. Told Jessica about it and she said it's been like that the whole week since the petrol price went up. Everything else's is rising too, sigh... bad inflation but the selfish pig in me was a little delighted with how empty the roads were.

Was shopping for work clothes but ended up buying more casual and partying clothes than work's. Spent a lot of money within the first 24 hours home and it's all worth it. Why can't Melbourne has Topshop and Zara? But if they do, others will get their hands on them too, hurhurhur...

I'm feeling so lazy, lying in bed now waiting for time to pass. Massage is in 2 hours' time and my daughter niece is taking her afternoon nap so I can't play with her. Oh dear, she's just too adorable, I am gonna kidnap her to Melbourne with me, shhh...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'm a fatty

I've been eating too much, I cannot imagine how it's gonna be when I am home with family. I was eating all the way from Melbourne to Darwin, then Darwin to Singapore but the food just didn't fill me up. So Candyman waited for me at the airport with a doughnut =_=" and we had big late dinner nearing bed time. Had breakfast before he went to work and yamcha for lunch 2 hours later. Now I'm having cakes. I think I've PMS. It's that time of the month.

Sunday, June 08, 2008


A year ago this day, I returned from Hawaii with a whole new suitcase of shopping. I was a happy girl with no worries except for excess baggage and what to wear for dinner. The following night I got dropped off at the city to meet up with friends for Armin White Party, I partied like there was no worries, like it was my birthday, like it was the Queen's birthday.

Six months ago the same day, He opened his eyes for the very last time. It was off focus but I knew He saw me, and He knew I was there. He stopped breathing and everyone had to leave the room. I refused to budge, the nurse asked me to leave. The following five days were like a long dream featuring people that you'll only see at occasions as such, or perhaps, weddings.

Today, I rang mum on her mobile but like it happened all the time, no one picked up. I wanted more sleep but I couldn't. I wanna work more but I can't focus. I'm looking forward to Armin Only in six hours' time but am not sure if I'm ready. They said time heals, and I say time takes away our denials too. Denial - acceptance - healing, is that how it works?

Friday, June 06, 2008

I love zongs

Too much of something is not good for you, whether it's good food or good wine but I'm one who always wants more than what I need. Serves me right, having a bad indigestion right now from zong, the glutinous rice dumpling. It's the festival this Sunday and mum sent me a text telling me to make sure I get some and eat it at home because Dad passed away 6 months ago and it's important for us to 'open up a zong' for better luck in the family. Hmm... I'm a sucker when it comes to all these traditional beliefs so I was telling Patrick about it and you know what? His aunt makes traditional Fujian-style ones. He gave me five yesterday evening and I've already taken three of them. You know how glutinous rice is difficult for digestion? Oh my, stomach was aching but better after some hot tea, still bloated though.

It's the long weekend and I don't plan to go anywhere except for June's b'day dinner and Armin. In fact, Jo and I are gonna lock ourselves in the library tonight and hopefully tomorrow in the day. I can't procrastinate anymore and home isn't the best place to work at the moment. I've been sitting at home imagining how I'm gonna redecorate my whole apartment because I've just said 'yes' to another 12 month lease. Looks like I still have a lot to do when I return from holiday.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Daniel's Masquerade Birthday Bash

It was Daniel's (without -le I had learnt) 30th birthday bash at the Baroq House and it was such a great party. Everyone had their masks on and all ladies were beautifully dressed up, except for myself. I was too much of a tight arse to buy a new dress so I ended up looking like a bridesmaid *blush* However, many thought I looked more like I was in a wedding dress *double blush* Anyway, it was a great party with damn good house music pumping and bubbly flowing. June and I enjoyed every bit of the night despite we were sweating under our masks.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

can you believe 'autumn' is over?

Those people who are fat and bald must've gone through a lot of stress in their earlier days. I'm at my last week, I turn to food for comfort when I'm stressed and I scratch my head when I can't think. I've wasted too many days last week, now 24 hours a day isn't enough for me.

The bar of chocolate Milyn gave me 'to make me feel better' is sitting next to me, very tempting but I'm enjoying it little by little each day, that's because I had stuffed my face with a big plate of rice at 4am! My sleeping hour was pretty much normal in the past one month except for when we partied on the weekend till wee hours, or when I didn't sleep all night to finish up and hand in. These days I don't like going to bed at sunrise, not unless I'm sloshed. Thank God winter is here and it's still dark outside. I can't wait to experience what this winter's gonna bring me. I can smell excitement, can you?

It all started in Spring, it was sweet like its flowers. Summer was extraordinarily long, so beautiful I will never forget. Autumn was pretty warm, with a little rain and thunder at times. Finally, Winter is here but it's full of uncertainties... or you can call it opportunities

Sunday, June 01, 2008

I feel like dancing...

Melbourne, 5am.

It's cold outside. So misty that I see nothing from my balcony. Just got home from a great night. Only had three hours sleep after a Friday-all-nighter entertaining some strangers in a strange apartment, hiaks! Apartment is as usual, really messy. Feels like I don't live here yet I'm unwilling to move out. I'm so attached to this so-called home yet I don't spend enough time here.

Daddy K couldn't agree with what I've done, hurhurhur... What happened to me made me realized that Daddy and Mummy K are the most optimistic couple. They are positive yet I chose to walk against the direction of the 'wall'. Everyone has been really supportive in whatever decision that I've been making, be it silly or sensible.

Ahhh... sky is the limit. Looking forward to tomorrow's Good Food & Wine Show. I'm gonna meet a sizzling chef who would make me hot food throughout this record breaking cold winter.