Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Sam will be fine

I was an idiot and I've no one to blame. It was all my fault. I pressed hard on the accelerator and I was flying. Thank God all of us are home safely. Thank God I didn't drink. It was a punishment that I deserve and I'll learn from my lesson.

I'm home from Hotham. Good weekend, very good weekend with good snow. I've started doing the black runs and I'm liking it. Didn't really fall except for a bad one when I was half asleep in the morning. Foggy weather and I was just waking up, went off a small little cliff, landed on rock hard icy foot path of someone's apartment. That's my only real fall on the weekend. When I got back in the evening, there was blood on my right knee even though I had thermal pants and ski pants on, pfftt!

TY was the best travel companion when it comes to food. It was so nice of her to make us hotpot. Hotpot in our room when it was minus 4 outside was awesome. We saved a lot of money on shit food on the mountain too. Gave Tsubo a try though, Jap fusion - it was only okay, I don't plan to return but if I have to, I won't say no. What am I talking about?

I'm speaking air, I'm tired. Tired from many things and from the weekend. If I've a choice right now, I would cancel all my plans this week and just hibernate at home. I just wanna do nothing and see no one but I know I can't. One of my very good friend is going through a very tough time, I wanna be with this person. Let's call this person Sam in this entry, only in this entry! I want Sam to know that he/she will be okay, that he/she will be able to get on to 'the other side', as a friend said today. Sam is a strong person, much tougher and wiser than me so if I can get on the other side, Sam will be able to do it. Bear in mind that my issue was nothing compared to Sam's issue right now but there's always two sides of a coin - the good and the bad. Something bad had happened but there's always a good side to it. So I need to be with Sam whenever possible because being alone isn't the best thing for Sam right now. I've faith in Sam.

What had happened is finally sipping into me. What a disastrous weekend for the both of us. Sigh... enough of being a sookie today, I shall just go to bed. Good snow people!

Friday, July 25, 2008

I'd rather be writing

I went shopping yesterday, that’s before Yummy Mummy gave me that ‘emergency’ call. The domestic goddess in me was shopping for a pot. I’ve burnt one few nights ago while attempting to make cream of sweet corn and chicken soup. Arrrgghh… I was just so dumb. So instead of spending more money on clothes which absolutely doesn’t make sense cause I’ve to get rid four big bags of them, some of which the labels are still attached, I spent my money on kitchen utensils. There was this set of red pots and pans with a 50% price slash. Red – my favourite colour! Called Pat to ask if the brand’s okay to buy and if they are worth that price, she gave me the green light and she asked me, don’t you know all these? No, my mum bought most of the things in my kitchen. Then while waiting for Yummy Mummy to get into the city, I splurged on that GHD limited edition styler. It’s a straightener/styler so a friend asked me why do I need a hair straightener when my hair’s straight now. Because… I don’t know. I’m just an idiot for anything beautiful and that little thing in white is just so tempting. So I justified my purchase by saying I needed it to curl my hair. Then I realized, I don’t know how! I’ve never had these gadgets. I hate spending time doing anything to my hair, I don’t even blow dry my hair in winter. Oh man, I’m just so freaking stupid! Just like those MAC fake lashes that I’ve bought 6 months ago, half a dozen of them, I’ve never learnt to put them on. But since I’ve spent so much money on this thing, I’m determined to learn. Next week when I return from the snow, I’m gonna start using it.I’m so tired today. Basically got no sleep from last night and been out all day. Having an early start can be really productive. I got TY from the airport, had breakfast, went grocery shopping with her, dropped her home, collected my MIFF season pass, got my brazilian wax, coffee with June, more grocery shopping, quick catch up with Jev and John, posted an entry before heading out for dinner with the usual suspects, drinks and home. Very happy with what I’ve done but what about cleaning up and looking for a job?? My place is kinda gross but I’m sleepy night. So good night peeps, will try to get up early to clean tomorrow.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Opss... I did it again!

While I was walking aimlessly at Myer last night, I got an 'emergency' call from Yummy Mummy telling me that she needed a drink. Why not? So we went to Cookie, had a bottle of the cheapest Malborough Sauv Blanc and we were two happy women. The woman had withdrawal syndrome and needed to drink. I absolutely understand what she meant although I've not experienced that for a long time - I've been drinking quite regularly.

Alright, so we had a good time catching up. It was the first one-on-one for us since I came back from my recent trip. There were a lot for us to talk about. About her work, my work; her men, my men; her boss, my boss; our friends; our future; handbags and everything else that we could think of. We were enjoying each others and the wine's company so much, we forgot that we hadn't eaten. So we finished the first bottle and as usual, I needed wanted more. We ordered the second bottle and we finished it. It was still not enough for me but Yummy Mummy said she's drunk but I insisted, we ordered another two glasses instead, which was such a bad idea.

We finished the two glasses, stood up to leave. I was surprised that I felt drunk. For the record, I usually do more than 2.5 bottles among two people. I didn't remember that we were drinking on empty stomach but that's besides that point. Anyway, as we were leaving the bar, these two guys stopped us and talked to us. Oh well, you know, when you're drunk, everyone's your friend (sometimes even when I'm sober =_=" ). Mummy seemed to be very interested in the man, as for mine, I don't remember what we spoke about at all. I can vaguely remember he bought me a glass of wine, I had some of it and realized it's not a good idea that I keep drinking. So I pulled Mummy aside and asked her if she was gonna go home with his guy, she said she doesn't mind. I told everyone that I was going to the loo and I'll be back. I left.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, don't follow suit. Don't you ever dare to drink and drive. I did the wrong thing. I shouldn't have driven at all. So I drove myself home not knowing how I managed to. Very dangerous I must say. I swear I will not do that again. By the way, before I went home, in my state of drunk, I had chilli chicken takeaway. Not bad for a drunkard huh?!

Whatever that happened when I got home was very vague. All I could recall was speaking to Mummy on the phone, she didn't end up going home with her guy, but throwing up at the side of the road instead. The guy, Mark I think, called to check on me. Obviously I gave out my number without realizing it, hmm... but that's okay, it's just my mobile, I can always screen calls. The next thing I know, I woke up at 4-ish feeling really sick. I threw up and it was disgustingly spicy. I didn't remember that I had eaten. I went to the kitchen to get the best chilli reliever - aloe vera juice, and saw used plates in the sink and chicken bones in the bin, no shit.

Then I was in bed, tossing and turning, couldn't fall back to deep sleep. Decided to get up at quarter past six for a shower and got ready to get TY from the airport. Oh yes, my part time lesbian lover is back. I swear I was still feeling drunk this morning. I was pretty sure if I got pulled over by booze bus, I'll have to kiss my drivers license goodbye. Or at least I'll get a fine.

I was also really worried about Mummy. Was she okay? Did she get home safe? Any booze bus? I felt so bad for leaving her with two strangers. Shite, I'm turning into Patrick, leaving without saying goodbye. Found out later in the day that she got home safely, leaving her phone in the car hence didn't pick up my calls. She went in to work late as she couldn't get out of bed. Then she was saying "my guy was quite hot right? I thought he was quite hot..."

"Mummy, I couldn't tell, I was blind-drunk!" was my answer.

And I was telling John that it's been a long time that I have these totally sloshed midweek thingy before I paused for a few seconds. That wasn't true - it's been the same in the last four weeks. Damn, the alcohol is killing my brain cells, I don't remember things. I thought this week without Alice and Becks would do my liver good but no, it was worse. I was plastered both Friday and Saturday too.

Some things are never gonna change. Maybe one day but yesterday was definitely not that day.

Gotta shower and get ready for dinner and drinks again. I'm so tired it's not funny but TY leaves me with no option. That demanding bitch!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

bumming within the junks

My suitcase, Lime Green, is widely opened sitting in the living room, it's been lying there with my new summer clothes in it since I came back a month ago. Another mini red one is also widely opened lying next to it, with my travel toiletries and a bottle of vodka in it. These were from Buller last weekend. There are at least six handbags lying around, on the dining table (that I don't use), side table, study chair and on the floor. There are shopping bags that are unopened, which makes me wonder, why did I purchase when they don't excite me enough to unwrap when I got home? Then there are my laptop case, four big bags of clothes to sell, shoes in boxes that my shoes storage can't take anymore, and a big paper bag from the previous trip. Not to mention the bills that keeps coming in, and shoes that I use and didn't bother to put them back into their boxes.

All these, all these annoying shit sitting in my tiny little apartment. I'm determined to tidy up tonight. No clean living room, no sleep.

Also, I don't spend enough evenings at home. I've a fridge full of food that I don't get to cook. I've been out every single night. The last time I cooked was... I can't remember. Had to be at least two weeks ago. What happened to "I'm broke, I need to eat in"? And I've all these plans till next Sunday - dinners and more dinners, exhibition launch, Hotham, farewell, welcome, wedding dress shopping, even lunches are pretty much taken till end of next week. So a bummer like me is so-called very busy, how do working people make it? I miss this little pumpkin so much, I wanna pinch her cheeks!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

it's been a long time since...

I know we're having a good time when we take a lot of silly photos with half-closed eyes; or when we totally forget about the camera. Tonight was the latter. Two nights in a row, it can only get better.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

PMS Friday

I did all the wrong things tonight: hissy fit, unreasonable complaints, physical erm...

My friends were there for the rightest reason: dance, laugh, hugs, etc.

Blame it on the PMS that I'll never let it out on my friends, opsss... weird huh? After all, friends have the upper hand.

I hope it'll all get better, much better.

Big love, big hugs, big kisses from Lucky Lynn

Thursday, July 17, 2008


Dad once told me there's no winner or loser in a marriage, it would either be two winners or two losers.

That was kinda unusual coming from Him, I didn't take him seriously then. For some strange reason, I thought about it last night before I fell asleep. What about relationships? Can one really win? Is the one who initiates the breakup and moves on first the winner? Is the person who comes back begging and crying for another chance the loser? Is cheater always happier because there's always someone in his/her arms? Should the one being cheated feels happy because he/she sees the light?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

no more hire

I wanna say Thank You to these good friends of mine who got me my very comfortable ski boots...
Alice, Big B & Small A, Kiwi, Babyface, Kum Den, Evonne, Jevon, Joanne of the Twins, John, Pat, Sugar Sugar and Lao-sai.

Also lotsa thanks and kisses to Candyman who recently gotten me the new skis, they are absolutely divine... I spent the weekend in Buller testing my new gear and they are good stuff. This was my first time skiing in Buller but according to my friends, the snow was pretty good for mid July. I thought it was okay but the first two days were so foggy that I couldn't see anything. Visibility was so low I didn't know where I was skiing towards, I couldn't tell the speed that I was going at and whether I was moving or halted. It took me two days to get used to my new skis especially not skiing for almost a year. My legs were so weak from lack of exercise, I could hardly ski parallel. Because of its length, it takes a lot more effort for me to make sharp turns too. Bikram yoga is all I need in these two weeks before my next trip.

I love the snow despite it makes me ridiculously broke. I've bought my ticket to Japan. Snow, food, sake and shopping, I'm coming!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

everyone has gotten married...

Last week I bumped into an old friend who is now married with a daughter. He was like a brother to me before we lost touch. We stopped hanging out when his business got busier, after he got married, and after I stood him up twice for dinner and his baby's full moon party.

So we had a quick chat and the topic of Diced Chicken came up. I was told that he's married overseas. Diced Chicken is married! The one I met four years ago, the one who was there for me when I broke up with Mr Confused, the one who flew to KL to see me for five days because he missed me, the one who bought me a Prada handbag that I've never used, the one who nearly fought with Stingy King at the club, the one that I didn't like enough to take him as my boyfriend.

Time does fly by too quickly. I'm happy for him but was a little shocked that he's married so quickly. Actually, 3 years isn't a short time, not at all. And then it reminded me that a few of my ex-boyfriends are married, like Darlie Star and Always Yes. Am I that bad that anyone would settle for anything alive and kicking after being with me, the girlfriend from hell?

Back to Diced Chicken. What is there not to like about him? He's successful, he's highly intelligent, he has the money, has the look (this really depends on individual preference) and almost everything that a woman can ask for but there's something that I didn't like about him. This little ridiculous something that stopped me from going out with him.

I was telling some friends and they said the bride could've been me. I had received the same comments about other men that had crossed path with me in the past. So I asked myself - do I really wanna be the bride?

Answer is no. Not with these men. If we were meant to end up together, we wouldn't have broken up or in Diced Chicken's case, not be together. It's just stupid passing comments like 'if you didn't do this/that/xyz, you would've married abc/loser and started a family'. WTF!?

Everything happens for a reason and we didn't break up because we had nothing better to do in life. Whether I dumped or got dumped, it was for a good reason I believe. No doubt I was heart broken at many times especially when I wasn't the one who initiated the breakup but in hindsight, they made the right decision. During heartbreak, many of us tell ourselves that breaking up isn't the best thing to do, that we might not find someone better than the liar/efg/dog. Based on my very little experience, chances are that there's always someone better out there waiting to meet us.

I'm not saying that I will never get back with the men from my past, never say never right? But it's very unlikely that I would, unless it is for a valid and very good reason that could convince my head. I mean, what the f*ck for? I've put up with enough pain during the breakup and have moved on with life, why go back to some old canned food when I can get fresh gourmet ones around the corner?

That's why when I'm asked 'if I've got another chance with Diced Chicken, would I take him?', the answer is still a 'no'. Expired food turned bad for a reason.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

bye-bye uni, hello real world

I've received my graduation invitation, the one that we anticipated so very much but not anymore for me. I don't feel like attending because the most important person will not be there with me. I know, I know, stop dwelling on the past and treasure those important ones around me, yada, yada, yada... But I really don't see a point of being there.

This isn't my first graduation - I had my diploma's in KL and degree's in Melbourne where we had a wonderful time together, not having any worries and no one had the faintest that any of us wouldn't be around for my next bigger graduation. We had beautiful family photos with me wearing that penguin gown; we had dinners after dinners in the name of graduation; and I got anything that I wanted because they love me too much to say no to me.

Perhaps I should attend this ceremony with mum and Dad's spirit, yet I'm not sure I can cope with it. I told mum not to come over as it's really not necessary and it's so crazily expensive here. I would rather she visits another time...