Sunday, May 31, 2009

say a little prayer for youS

You know your friends are so important to you - as important as your family - when it worries the crap out of you when bad things happened to them. I know we're all stressed out and depressed over some really unfair issues but you really can't do anything about it at the moment. You see one break down in tears and you've to tell yourself to hold on to that, be strong and just calm each other day. All these feelings that we've cultivated will put your shallow, pretentious behaviour in shame.

Regardless of what happened, the warming smile stays on my face, knowing that our hearts stick together and our will can only make things better. I solemnly wish for all to have a good night sleep. Tomorrow will definitely be a better day, because we're here for each other.

Lotsa love, kisses, hugs and PRAYERS...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

old news

As I was having the last of my breakfast on the bench before getting in to work, my mobile rang. It was Kungpo Chicken, the screen said. What a surprise on an early Thursday morning. Look, he's a friend who I've not seen or spoken with for at least four years. Him and I had a short episode before but friendship remained. He met my parents in KL and they got along. In fact, Dad and him could talk for hours. Not unusual, Dad loves long conversation with people.

So we said our hellos over the phone, yadda yadda yadda, and he said he was planning to go KL again and would like to catch up with my Dad.

"My Dad had passed away," I told him calmly.
"He had passed away," I repeated.
"You're kidding me..."
"There's nothing funny about this, He had passed away." At this point, he was doing my head in because I'm starting to believe, for one second, that it was a joke, none of that had happened.
"But he was healthy the last time..." Tell me about it!!!

Anyway, I couldn't speak with him about this over the phone. So I said I've to go and we'll speak again when I see him. So I went to see him for lunch on Saturday. I told him what happened to Dad while he listened in disbelief. As I was filling him with everything, it felt as if it was all happening to me again. The pain, the shock, the unwillingness to let go... they all just came back to me. I had to hold back my tears in order to save myself from embarrassment and smudged mascara.

It's bizarre how something that happened almost eighteen-months ago seem so fresh in your mind again. I thought I would've been very numbed by now but I guess even the best anaesthetic in the world can't do its wonder this time. I'm trained to be better at holding back my tears though. I took a deep breathe and changed the topic right away.

What's new with him? He's married, as I already knew from Big Bro. Also, his company is listed in America now, how wonderful? I've to say this dude is truly intelligent, capable and know what he's doing. I'm happy for him. Most importantly, what I saw in front of me across the dining table was the same old Kungpo Chicken that I knew five years ago. The boy who is trapped in a man's body, the one who loves teasing me, and the one who's blatantly honest about himself.

He flew off on the same night to Shanghai, then New York, then Hong Kong, etc. and I'm left with that feeling for Dad. Today, I was just sitting here, looking back on the most unbelievable week in December 07. Instead of letting myself falling into this depression (I hate using this word when I mean it), I chose to write. Okay, I'm feeling a little better now. Thanks for letting me share.

Monday, May 25, 2009

weird dreams...

I dreamt of Dad, he was teaching me the 'right' way to play pokies. I wanted to call him first thing when I woke up to verify if it's true. I also dreamt of seeing a moving boat on fire on the ROAD, a couple and their son jumped off the boat. I also dreamt of communicating with a cousin who I normally only see once a year. He told me the dad of that family died from lack of oxygen, and he was 55 years old. Then I also dreamt of seeing a dead man's body, and I scraped the dead man's tongue with a fork (ewww...). And I vaguely remember I also dreamt of walking home with my cousin.

It's not often I can remember so clearly with details what I've dreamt of. I'm mildly disturbed. I wanna call Dad and speak with him...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

eyes wide shut

I'm insomniac. It's been three weeks. Regardless of how tired I was from the day, I just couldn't sleep when I'm in bed. Then I've to get up early the following day to work, to run errands or I just couldn't sleep for long. I was feeling a little flu-ish last night, so I went to bed at midnight, but I couldn't sleep till 5am. Another 5am!!! Got up at 8am, rode Pinko to work, rode Pinko to get a cutesy bubblegum pink bell with dinosaur picture, rode Pinko to do my waxing, and rode Pinko home. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. I need sleep, I need good, long, deep, undisturbed sleep!

I'm waiting for my hair to dry and I'm hitting the sack. I've got this feeling that maybe... tonight I can sleep!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pinko and I did it!

Photo courtesy of June
It's been almost a month since Pinko was given to me but I was just too chicken to take her out of the hood. Oh well, I attempted once but the traffic on Collin Street freaked the both of us out. However, I'm not one who gives up easily. So yesterday, I got Sasa to escort me to get out of here.

This time, we made it! We did some warming up below my place, then headed straight to Crown, then dinner at South Melbourne, back to Crown to watch Observe and Report, back to Sasa's place again to play cards, and later I cycled myself home. Twenty-five minutes to get home from hers, not bad at all! And I amazed myself with the fact that I made the slopes without having to get off the bike and push. My single gear grandmother bicycle isn't bad at all!

I couldn't stop thinking about Pinko at work today. I just couldn't wait to finish and go home to take Pinko out. This evening's adventure was to the south-eastern side. Following the route yesterday, I went to Sasa's to drop off her stuff and off we headed towards Prahran to meet up with June and Des for some cheap pizza and beer at Lucky Coq. Tonight, I could eat as much as I desire sans the guilt, knowing I'll burn them off later. It was a great evening catching up with the riding couple and my good friend Sasa didn't fail to amuse and amaze us with her self-absorbing jokes! I just hope June and Des don't find her too "weird", although I've to admit that she's one big weirdo (thank god she doesn't read my blog!).

Cycling is really liberating. I'm getting more and more comfortable cycling amidst other vehicles. Just why did I stop cycling in the past 15++ years? Perhaps it's just too dangerous to do it back home with that crazy traffic and drivers' insensible way of driving. It is really good here where most people obey the road rules, respect and give way to each other. It's also very good for my pocket too - saving on petrol, parking and infringement! It is also a free way for me to exercise, preparing myself for the upcoming snow season and lose those fat for Fern's wedding. Not to forget, it's environmental friendly!

Oh man... enough of promoting cycling. I'm just gonna finish up with my nails and hit the sack. I am cycling to work tomorrow morning, ^_~

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mrs-Gan-to-be is coming to town...

Tickets are confirmed. Four ways, two trips; one to Fern's wedding, another for Chinese New Year 2010. Malaysia Airlines rock (thanks to Air Asia at the same time for the competitive price)!!! They are slightly less than AUD700, yes, ain't cheaper than Air Asia or other budget airlines but seriously, I'm kinda traumatized by Air Asia X. I will only pick them if they're dirt cheap.

So here we go, Miss Lim, I'm coming to your hens party, your tea ceremony, your reception, witness the most important day of your life, celebrate with you for finding The One, watch for myself how beautiful you're gonna be, get thrashed, and nurse the hangover!! For those who haven't heard about this news of 2009 - my bestie is getting hitched in October!

Do you know we had all predicted in high school, among the four of us (Eileen, Fen, Fern and myself), that she'll be the first to get married? Our prophecy came true. I am glad we didn't predict who's gonna be the spinster, haha...

So what I need to do now is to save, save and save for her gift. Oh, also I gotta shed, shed and shed a lot of pounds so I look good on her big day. Fern is coming in less than a month's time, how exciting is that? I'm taking her to Winter Sound System and do all the girlie things like it's our private little hens holiday, woot!!! And I think I should just hibernate at home till she gets here as I'm dead broke, so broke that I'm actually in debts, not good at all!!!

Now, fuchsia is the colour, where can I get the dress?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

really, what have you done?

I remember saying these before...

"It's always a crazy night when you 1) wake up to heaps of ridiculous photos in your camera or 2) you have nothing in your camera but what happened runs in your mind, over and over again...

Latter tonight.

Such great night with Violet, Daddy and Mummy K. It's been a long time, at our old hangout, with that same old drink. Long meaningful/stupid (really up to you to pick) discussions. Nothing bids, really!!! I can't love these any less.

At some point, I really was wondering... how did your night go?

Friday, May 08, 2009

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Pinko likes the cold too

It's been cold since my birthday weekend, it's awesome. I absolutely love it. I still believe we'll get a few warm days before winter arrives, let's see. Looking at my wardrobe today, realized I don't have much clothes for riding when it gets colder. I'm not gonna be in bicycle tights, sorry. I'm talking about chic comfortable outfit that will keep me warm and allows me to cycle comfortably. Skinny jeans at the moment is a 'no' because I'm a whale, the back of my jeans seems to be dropping when I cycle; wide-leg pants is a 'no' because I'm worry that it'll get stuck on the paddle; long dress - 'no' at the moment because it's too freaking cold. So I'm left with just a few options and that makes me wanna go shopping for clothes. I've no $$$ though, sigh... had to transfer some from saving account yesterday, I'm dying soon.

Pinko and I ventured out of my neighbourhood today. The very ambitious me wanted to ride to South Yarra to submit some documents to my work place. I wasn't sure if Kings Way is cyclist friendly, so I decided to go through the city. See, I actually planned my route. So I was all dressed and set to go, and came home after doing two blocks in the city. The cars were freaking me out! They were left, right, front, back - every where! Man... Especially Collin Street, it was so narrow and I had no idea how to share lanes with cars, let alone sharing them with big vehicles like trucks! I was too scared, crossed the road and home I headed, pfffttt... what a loser?!

I guess there are two things I need to do before I can venture out of my neighbourhood. First - learn how to share lanes with vehicles. Second - build legs muscle to take me up the slopes on my single-gear Pinko! Riding a bicycle is great though, very relaxing and refreshing, take me to places that I've never been on foot or in car. Have I mentioned before that I suck big time at ball sports? I can't even play the badminton. In high school, I spent a month learning squash. At the end of the four weeks, I couldn't even serve! That's how bad I am, however, I can do solo sports. I like skiing, swimming, cycling, bowling and I was a rhythmic gymnast when I was young. I like anti-social sports, those that I can do by myself and not have interaction with others, and most importantly where there's no balls flying towards my direction.

It's gonna be cold and windy every day until next Thursday, says Bureau of Meteorology. So exciting! Gonna try to sleep early tonight so I can do a few rounds before going bike shopping with Sasa tomorrow. Nite, peeps!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

we got drunk on Monday night

It's been a long time I've guests over to my place for dinner. My place was so cluttered (with junks) before this I didn't feel comfortable having people over, let alone wanting them to eat here. After giving my living room a face lift, my place is so tidy and spacious now, thanks TY for the great help. So last night, I made dinner for Jevon and Rika. Mainly because I owed Jev a meal since last year and he's been wanting me to make bak kut teh for him.

Our little bak kut teh dinner turned into a night of crazy drinking session. We quaffed six bottles of wines. I don't remember what time they left and what time I went to bed, but I do remember scowling a litre of water so I wouldn't be hungover today. I didn't sleep well, waking up every now and then. Couldn't believe Rika made it to class at nine. I got up at noon to get myself ready for trial work, looking bloated from water retention, what a bad start!

Regardless, I was told to go in for work again tomorrow (getting paid this time). They need to train me up before they can decide to take me on full time or give me more hours. Honestly, this isn't the job that I want but I still need to pay my rent, bills and survive so... It's not bad, I'm sure I'll learn something from it and in the mean time, I will keep applying for other jobs.

Really enjoyed having friends over for dinner and drinks, it's been a long time. I'll definitely gonna cook more for friends but because my place is so tiny, they'll have to be invited in batch. I'm thinking of doing prawn mee next...

Monday, May 04, 2009

introducing Pinko

photo courtesy of JuneC

There are things that you think you have them but they've long left you; and there are things that you think you've forgotten about but they will always be in you. Like riding a bicycle.

I've been wanting a bicycle since August last year, those really retro kinda bike, preferably in red or pink. I had been talking, talking and talking about it but didn't get my act together to actually get myself one.

This year's birthday, TY gave me Pinko. A pink, retro, gearless, only-one-in-Melbourne (Australia I dare to say), very girlie with a basket bicycle. Oh my god, I'm so grateful! Pinko and I went out to play after June and Des helped me to buy a lock; lights; and a baby blue, retro, racer-looking with front and rear lights helmet. By the way, my accessories cost as much as my bike, wtf?!

June and Des guided us around Docklands today. The last time I rode a bicycle was more than 15 years ago. I was a little shaky at the beginning but I slowly gained my confidence after a while. It's been so long and the feeling of riding a bike is still the same - f*cking great!

There was a bit of drama before we cruised - TY attempted to kill me with Pinko. To begin with, she didn't tighten the front handle enough so the front wheel was totally out of control, swirling right, left and every where. I took it to the shop to tighten it and got it aligned, no big deal. Then the boys told me that my tyres are flat, so Des pumped air for me. Within the first three minutes of riding, my seat plummeted to its lowest, OMG, I got a shock and screamed for help. The seats weren't locked! At the end, every thing was fixed and I'm saved from death.

I have to agree with June that cycling is addictive. I love it so much I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. I'm still a little scared of sharing roads with cars though, hopefully I'll get better soon so I can travel to more places with Pinko.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

another intoxicated post...

Please excuse the grammar or spelling mistake... drunk I am.

Had another great night, delusion-ally thought it was my birthday once more. I dreamt of Dad four nights ago, he was dying again. Just how many times can someone die on me? I felt the same pain when he physically left me, (in my dreams) but I know I'll survive. It's the best yet the toughest way for him to tell me that I can do it.

Yes and no, I'm surviving with or without him. This sound really stupid but if you ask me if I miss home, I would say no. If you ask me if I miss my family, I would say not really. If you ask me if I miss Jae Ee, I'll say yes; and if you ask me if I miss Daddy, I'll say more than anything on earth...

Friday, May 01, 2009

I'm feeling younger

Another birthday has passed and I'm none the older, or wiser I supposed. While my bestie is engaged and another good friend is expecting her first baby, I'm still living like an 18-year-old - getting thrashed on weekends and not remembering later half of the nights.

Really excited for my friends. I can only keep my fingers crossed hoping I can save enough moolah to fly back for the big day. Things are really unpredictable for me now as I haven't found a job and having a bit of problem on the financial side of things. I've been good though, budgeting my expenses by eating and drinking out much, much less. Am still looking for a job during this financial crisis period. I know it's not gonna be easy but people are still hiring, it's just whether they are keen on hiring this wide-eyed fresh graduate.

So birthday celebrations were separated into three nights. And of course, I was drunk at all three. So much booze, so little sleep, hence I'm left with a cough and wonderful birthday gifts from friends. Most importantly, my Christchurch ski trip is now confirmed, thanks peeps, I'll think of you when I ski down the slopes. I cannot wait. Buller is open for $20 bucks per day this weekend. Can you believe it's open five weeks before the season? It's been cold all week, heard on the radio yesterday it's the coldest April in fifty-odd years. I seriously love the cold but am also worry at the same time... the world's climate is changing drastically. Soon we'll not have spring and autumn, it's just gonna be summer and winter.

It's been a long time since I wrote. It actually feels damn good letting my fingers tell my story. Going for food and window shopping with Sasa. I'll be back, this time I promise!