Friday, May 30, 2008

I'm a OK!

People, don't worry about me. I'm actually stronger than I thought I was. Pain is inevitable but I won't get over it until I let myself feel it. It's a grieving process: if I bury the pain deep down it will stay with me indefinitely but if I open myself to it, experience it and deal with it head-on, I'll finally (if not very quickly) begin to move on. Poignantly, a lot of pain that I'm experiencing now is actually fear. Fear of losing, fear of being different than how I liked them, fear of uncertainties, fear of many things but conquering my fear would only make me stronger.

Less than six months ago, I lost Him and I somehow lost part of myself. Now, it's time for me to pick myself up totally and move on in life. I gotta keep walking, and if possible, run for a bit just to get over the rough patch. He will be looking at me and be very proud of me for who I've become.

Honestly, I thought it would be harder for me. Of course, I was upset, my heart was broken and I did lie in bed all day and did nothing but it was just for a short time. I think I'm done with grieving and I'm healing now, although it hurts too when it heals but it's the make-me-feel-great kinda pain. Like how you go for reflexology and the masseur rubs you so hard you're in pain but you feel better after the session? That's exactly what I'm talking about.

I'm getting on with life and living it to the fullest because there are a lot of opportunities waiting for me out there.

1 comment:

MisSy said...

Look forward to sunshine after the rain in Bali!
Take good care and sleep more...