Tuesday, September 23, 2008

johnson & johnson's baby shampoo - no more tears!

My back is fine. They said it was just bruise and soreness so I shouldn't be too worried. Good to know that this is not gonna stop me from wearing sky-high heels or doing my back and forward bends in yoga class.

My pain has actually gotten worse today. It hurt when I was sleeping and it was hard for me to get out of bed. I had difficulties breathing last night when I lied horizontally. Walking and standing up was actually the most comfortable position, weird! Anyway, as I was in pain this morning, I was asking myself if it'll be nice if there's someone at home making lunch for me and then clean up my place. No. In fact, I wish I won't have to see anyone and people won't think that I'm a wussy cause I can't take pain.

I'm sort of used to being by myself. Months ago I probably will be a cry baby sulking at home hoping that angels will send someone to baby me. Months ago I'll be too scared to do the jumps in the snow worrying that I might break an arm or a leg. Months ago if I fall off the horse I probably will be in tears and feeling too traumatized to get back on.

Today, I don't wish for anyone to baby me - I cook my own congee, clean my own dishes and swear at the pain by myself. Today, I'll jump as long as the ground isn't icy and hard and if I fall, I know I'll do better next time. And just on Saturday, I fell off the horse and I got back up straight away, I tried to tame that creature but to very little avail, I fell again and I got back up on another tamer horse this time. Not a single drop of tear but lotsa angst instead. I surprised myself.

Sometimes change can come really quickly without warning. Some weeks ago I was just crying because I fell in a club when I was drunk, didn't I? All those behaviour from the past just seem so stupid after you've improved. The process could be slow but doesn't mean there's no progression.

No comments: