Friday, January 11, 2008

Should, really?

Got to work with a barf-worthy headache and almost an hour late, 8 hours sleep was definitely not enough. Seeing faces that I despise hanging around at home is a surefire way to ruin my morning. Fun-loving people at work, however, would never fail to put a smile on my face, although it is pretty quiet today with the noisiest person enjoying the sun, sea and sex in Bali.
My headache was coffee related. All things are fine after lunch after I got a shitty cup of coffee. These two weeks made me realized that soy milk isn’t a common thing in KL. Besides Starbucks, I’ve not yet found another place that serves soy latte, and Starbucks coffee sucks to the max. Got Dome’s today, it tasted okay but it burnt my tongue. I hate it when baristas can’t get the temperature right; it puts me off when the coffee burns my tongue when I’m desperately in need of caffeine kick.
Sometimes I hate myself for being rude to people who love and care about us. This person, who I cannot agree with what she had done before and after Dad’s death annoys the shit out of me, regardless of how hard she has been trying. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that I’m not happy with her, and that she’s trying very much to please me. I can only try my best and all I’ve achieved is to be civilized with her. If it wasn’t for Dad and knowing that she loves me dearly, I would’ve been worse. Hopefully it is just a phase that I’m going through, it would be better the next time we see each other. The next time, could probably means years later.
There are people who said to me…
that my mum has only a son and a daughter, that I shouldn’t stay in Australia and should return right after I finish my masters.
Am I being selfish by pursuing the life I want? Maybe, I am. Or maybe, not. One moment I tell myself that I’ve already tried my best. I’ve stopped my life for 3 months to be with family, leaving work in Melbourne irresponsibly and cancelled all plans. I can’t put my entire life on hold for that. At other times, I question myself whether I’m making the right decision. Yes, things had happened and we have to move on with life but maybe I should take my family into deeper consideration during decision making. It’s my life but my family is an important part of my life too.
Are there really things that I SHOULD do and I SHOULD not do?

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