My sleep pattern is destroyed, or rather, my sleep is destroyed. Time that I managed to finally doze off is mostly during sunrise. It doesn't change even if I've only had 5 hours sleep the night before. Sometimes it can get frustrating but at most nights, I just stared at the ceiling calmly, waiting for my eyelid to get heavier.
These are the times when I think of Dad most. When everyone's in bed and when we would be having unhealthy late night supper in the dining room. Just me and him and no one else. We're the two owls in the family and see late night supper as one of the most important meal of a day. We talked and we laughed. I don't remember what we used to talk about but I know we could go on and on.
I dreamt of him on the Christmas morning for the second time. I've always wanted to dream of Dad and talk to him, I've so much to tell him. The dreams were disappointing because I realized, not for the first time, that I have no control over my dreams. I couldn't say to him what I have wanted to say. I pictured my dreams to be us talking to each, having a reciprocative conversation. But I shouldn't be complaining because at least I get to see him sometimes.
Festive season without Dad is different; late nights without Dad is very different.
Friday, December 28, 2007
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