Tuesday, December 18, 2007

all I want for Christmas is...

to have another chance to spend it with my family and that consists of dad, mum, brother, sister-in-law, and baby Chloe. I know this will never ever happen again and I need to understand that, and help each other in the family to comprehend that. It happened so unexpectedly I almost couldn't grasp. I wasn't expecting my return for a wedding would turned into the funeral of the most important man in my life.

Some mornings I woke up asking myself if I've just had a nightmare that lasted for what seemed to be a week. Some mornings I woke up forgetting what had happened but realized not acknowledging facts doesn't mean I can change the so-called reality. And many mornings I woke up reminding myself that I've to be stronger than yesterday because I need to be and my family wants me to be; my dad wanted us to be happy and keep our chins up, so I will.

I feel blessed for my dad to be able to migrate, like he liked to say, to a better place with no pain. He left very peacefully after having a last look at us. I'm very glad that he didn't go through much pain and struggle although I can't stop wishing that he could stay with us for a little longer. My dad is the most important man in my life, giving me the best he could offer, 26 years of good memories and his irreplaceable love. I can no longer be a brat and ask for more this time, can I?

I know tomorrow would be an easier day than today. Most importantly I need to be strong for mum because while we've lost our father, she has lost her life partner who she has spent most of her life with. Tomorrow has to be an easier day for everyone, by no choice.

Dear friends who have been calling and texting me, that's very thoughtful of you guys. I'm sorry for not picking up calls or replying to texts, I'm not avoiding anyone. I'm just tired and am not in the right head space to chat. I know you guys are calling with good intentions but give me a couple of more days. I promise to catch up when I'm ready. It has been a long 10 days and in case I don't speak to you guys before that, Merry Christmas and Happy 2008.

6 comments:

SLK said...

feel his presence, in whatever form he chooses to take and he is still your guardian angel to guide, advise, and watch over you from far.

stand strong babe. xoxo

Kimberly said...

sweetie, my sincerest condolences.
You press on, stay strong and make your dad proud ok.
Love you lots.
hugs

D.L. said...

hey, so sorry to get to know this. Hope you are OK soon...

-deisy.

Lucky Lazy Lynn said...

Thank you girls, :)

Teresa said...

i'm sorry to hear that lynn...my deepest condolences.hope u'll b fine n b strong!

Diana said...

*hugz* As I've always said, I know you'll be strong not only because you hv to but coz you want to and it's in you. I'll always be here if you need anything - even a hand to give you some kleenex=). Take care girl!