Saturday, December 24, 2011

let there be love

Christmas was my favourite holiday when I was a kid. My family didn’t celebrate Christmas in a religious way - it was just holiday and family time to us. When we were kids, mum and Dad would take Allan and I to the fancy hotels, to look at the Christmas deco, listen to Christmas carols and do that countdown at the hotel lounge. It was the best time of the year - it was school holidays; we didn’t have to visit the relatives like Chinese New Year time, it’s just US; we got to take uncountable photos with the reindeers, Styrofoam-snow and Santa with cotton wool moustache.

And then we grew into teenagers, where Christmas meant passport for us to not go home. We partied at friends, serviced apartments or anywhere that accommodated our binge drinking behaviour. That went on for a couple of years before I left home for Melbourne. Christmas became a home event during my summer break - hotpot, BBQ, or just an ordinary dinner and a drive downtown to look at the Christmas lights. I didn’t want to spend another Christmas to be out partying, I just wanted to be with the family.

Christmas however became meaningless to me, after Dad left us. Sometimes, like now, it’s a painful time of the year because it brings back memories. Christmas means public holiday to me, time off from work, wild card to irresponsible drinking and binge eating. Oh well, I seem to have many of these wild cards during the year anyway. Last night, D40 was sending me photos of the city light show where he went with his family. I was lying in bed looking at the photos and I just couldn’t help the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I miss watching Christmas lights with the family.

I solemnly wish you guys are spending this silly season with your loved ones - the family, the lover, the friends or even by yourself. Hope all of you are living the moment and enjoying life as it presents itself to you.


steph said...

merry christmas my dear. i hope with time you'll look upon christmas as a special time that you used to spend with dad, we all know he loved you very much and would hate to see you sad. lots of love! x

Lucky Lazy Lynn said...

Thanks girlfriend, I understand that. Sometimes I just can't help myself from what I'm feeling. I can only count on time, x