there's a tear

It was a long hiatus. Blame it on Twitter, or I'm just solely lazy. I've read on a friend's blog before (I don't remember who) all his entries are depressing, because he/she only writes when he's unhappy. I kind of understand what he meant. Because sometimes when you're feeling blue, you do not know how to make yourself feel better besides writing. For one, I'm not good at sharing misery in real life.

Yes, I'm feeling very much under the weather but I'll get over it.

So it's a new year, actually, a new decade. It's a new beginning and I could almost feel it in my skin that all good things are about to happen. I'm all hyped up for the new year, looking forward to better career opportunities, new adventures, better lifestyle, tip-top health condition, and all things positive. I do, I really do. And I know it's gonna happen but sometimes, just these very small fraction of times that would make me lie in bed and cry. This part of me who is so bad with letting go and getting over grief. And then I ask myself - f*ck, am I depressed? I think I'm just damaged and this piece of damaged goods likes the pain; because pain makes her feel that He's near her, everything is fresh and new and He hasn't gone too far for too long.

Enough said, I'm screwed because as everyone is moving on with life and embracing the happier moments, this very small part of me is stuck in the past. Ironically, I've no issue sharing with you here, neither do I have issue admitting it but I just do not want to talk about it to anyone.

It does feel good letting my fingers do the work. I'm feeling better now, tears are dry, nose is cleared. Have I also told you that I really appreciate those of you who read this space, who knows when I'm depressed, who leaves me message but never ever bring it up in person when I see you? Thank you. We shall keep it that way, xoxo